CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is
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A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.
Always Remember

August 15, 2013 (permalink)

"Always remember that you are the director of your own mental movies."
Nancy Kalish, The Nice Girl's Guide to Sensational Sex (2003)

Photo by Biappi.
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July 20, 2013 (permalink)

Illustration by honourableghoul.
"You should always remember that nobody can own your soul. At most, they can only be allowed to repeatedly ram a bumper car into it until it finally stops working." —William Keckler
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July 14, 2013 (permalink)

Photo by Jason Scragz.
"No matter what the world or people tell you about yourself, always remember that you are a delicate yet hardy flower."
Iyanla Vanzant, Don't Give It Away! (1999)
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June 30, 2013 (permalink)

"Never forget that you learn to climb mountains by climbing."
Frank C. McClelland, Office Training and Standards (1919)

"Or by taking the stairs."
—Prof. Oddfellow

Photo by lacitadelle.
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June 29, 2013 (permalink)

"Always remember that all fires are the same size at the start."
A Manual of Fire Department Equipment and Practice

Photo by Cali4beach.
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June 23, 2013 (permalink)

Image by Mark Gilmour.
"Blood tells—always remember that—blood tells."
Agatha Christie, The Mysterious Affair at Styles
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April 24, 2013 (permalink)

"Always remember that no one can waste your time without your consent."
Barry B. Gallagher, The Secrets of Life Power (2008)

The illustration is from Told After Supper by Jerome K. Jerome (1891).
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March 6, 2013 (permalink)

"Always remember that with a multiple-choice question you are looking at the right answer!"
Barron's Florida Real Estate Exams

Photo by RiftGallery.
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February 26, 2013 (permalink)

"Always remember that everyone moves at their own pace."
Christopher Greco, That's My Opinion, Period! (2011)
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February 14, 2013 (permalink)

"Always remember that there are many — thousands, millions! — of ways of expressing love. And remember that your partner has the right to express his/her love in ways that may not be what you want or expect." —Gregory J. P. Godek, 1001 Ways to Be Romantic  (1999)

Photo by Sara Harper-Hudson.
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February 4, 2013 (permalink)

"Always remember that you are the victim here – bottom line."
Melina N. Jacobs, The Illusion of Love (2009)

"Yes it works. And no, you can't try it."  Person trap photo by Hryck.
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January 7, 2013 (permalink)

"Always remember that theirs are bigger and need attention first."
Telephony (1913)

Photo by Prof. Oddfellow.
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December 25, 2012 (permalink)

"Always remember that a house of merriment is better than a house of mourning."
A Manual of Fire Department Equipment and Practice

Pictured below: "Bringing in the Lump of Coal," from a 1918 issue of Life magazine.

If you got a lump of coal for Christmas, here's how to change it — one letter at a time — into the "Jelly of the Month Club" (the gift that keeps on giving):

This will also be of interest: The Collected Lost Meanings of Christmas.
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December 17, 2012 (permalink)

"Always remember that there is a photo in every situation, it's just a matter of how closely you look to find it."
PHOTOVIDEOi (Feb. 2007)

Photo by Ryan Gallagher.
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November 15, 2012 (permalink)

"Always remember that there is a time to retaliate using your red magnet and there is a time to relax and go with the flow." —Ivan Bell, The Great Supernatural Secret

(The red magnet is one of the many tools we use to "monetize" Abecedarian [with apologies to Teresa Burritt for the paraphrase].)

Photo by Mario's Planet.
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October 23, 2012 (permalink)

"Women are, after all, extremely emotional people, so you must always remember that."
Jonathon Jones, Dating ISN'T for Dummies

Emotionless woman image by Scott.
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September 3, 2012 (permalink)

"We should always remember that life occurs in the present tense."
Kaplan GRE & GMAT Exams Writing Workbook

Illustration by Mandy Prouse.
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April 19, 2011 (permalink)

May we never forget:
  • the Alamo
  • why we are so happy
  • the mystery of probability
  • our heritage
  • to take care of Mother Earth
  • that music is magic
  • what we owe to our heroes
  • from whence we came
  • there may be squalls (of temper as well as wind)
  • the struggles and wants of the poor
  • our vows
  • the price of liberty
  • the sacrifices of others
  • the inscription on the Greek temple: "Know Thyself."
  • our mortality
  • that we are one people
  • the wonderful power of kind words, kind actions, kind attention, and gentle treatment
  • to use our voices, our time, our energy to make this a better place to be
  • that every subject has many different aspects
  • that archeology is about people and their behaviors, in all their marvelous, often bewildering, variety
  • that professional courtesies are due to every honorable dentist
  • the one thing necessary
  • this joyous day
  • how to laugh
(These tidbits were all culled from our research.)
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Original Content Copyright © 2018 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.