Rhetorical Questions, Answered!
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Courtesy of literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:
Now, isn't that just the cutest little doggie!
A. Yes.
B. No.
C. Objection! Counsel is leading the witness.
D. Do you really want an honest answer to that?
E. Now? Yes. But if a cuter little doggie comes along in a minute or two, you're out of luck.
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Q: How many people can get inside a book?
A: One hundred million can crowd into a book, all in the same two hours, by twenty million lamps thousands of miles apart.
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Q: "A question for the Darwinians. If nature develops limbs and faculties in response to the demand, why isn't a Dutch hound provided with feed amidships?" —Grip, 1891.
A: Ask again once the Darwinists account for that pesky organism that hasn't evolved for over 2 billion years (beyond desperately calling it the exception that proves the rule). (And don't bring up the horseshoe crab's 450-million recess from evolution.)
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Q: " Who was it that said, 'Damn it all — damn everything but the circus.'" (Ken Nordine, "Hi Diddle Dee Dee," Stay Awake)
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Q: " How long does it take for a voice to emerge from another voice?" —William KecklerA: No time at all. The phenomenon has been called "ghost voice," "third voice," and "implied harmony." "When two people sing loudly at slightly different picthes, the frequencies can mix, causing a different tone, or third pitch" ( Paul W. Zitzewitz, The Handy Physics Answer Book).
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"I went to the window to ask of Night the reason why dreams must be so tenuous that they break and shred at the slightest opening of the eyes or turning of the body, and do not endure. Night did not answer me straightway. She was deliciously beautiful; low hills were pale with moonlight and the space died into silence. As I insisted, she made known to me that dreams were no longer under her juristiction. When they dwelt on the island that Lucian had given them, where she had her palace, and from whence she sent them forth with their faces of divers aspect, she might have given me possible explanations. The times had changed everything. The ancient dreams had been pensioned off, and the modern ones dwelt in a person's brain. And these, though they tried to imitate the former, could not do it: the isle of dreams, like the isle of love, and all the islands of all the seas, are now the object of the ambition and rivalry of Europe and the United States." —Machado de Assis, Dom Casmurro
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Q: What would Endora do?
[If you know your Bewitched, you might guess our answer]: A: [Highlight to view] Snap out of it.
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Original Content Copyright © 2018 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.
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