CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, and a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.

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Go Out in a Blaze of Glory
Hindpsych: Erstwhile Conjectures by the Sometime Augur of Yore
I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought
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Inflationary Lyrics
Last Dustbunny in the Netherlands
Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led
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Someone Should Write a Book on ...
Something, Defined
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The 40 Most Meaningful Things
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The Right Word
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Abecedarian personal effects of 'a mad genius'
A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.

January 2, 2010 (permalink)


"Something interesting happens at 6:00 o'clock."
—Ram Dass, Grist for the Mill
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December 2, 2009 (permalink)

"How do you carve yourself out of your self?"
The North Dakota Quarterly


Photo by mag3737.
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August 10, 2009 (permalink)

I dreamed of endings:

At the end of a sentence a period, a full stop. Peer into its darkness, a celestial sky so dark nothing is visible save the darkness itself.

Or it’s some kind of cave, an inscrutable Lascaux, a dim basement. Jazz musicians crowd beside bison hunters. Hear the shimmer of the cymbal and the erotic bleat of the saxophone, the clink of mouth-bound martini glasses, the soft murmur of warriors.

Now lean closer, look as if through the aperture of a microscope. There’s an entire city. A single swart cell. An inkwell. The birthmark of the sentence. An insect whose legs my brother removed.  You raise your head and look out at the room. Black ink from a silent movie gag circles your eye.

—Gary Barwin
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April 22, 2009 (permalink)

I dreamed I fell in love.


(Inspired by Gary Barwin, who writes: "And soon they will join in holy matrimony...")
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January 28, 2009 (permalink)

I dreamed of a poem by Gary Barwin:

The semicolon dreams.  It isn’t one, but two.  Brother and sister.  Mother and child.  Egg and sperm.  Zygotic.  X and Y.  Chromosomal.  A Bicameron over the corpus callosum of the page.  A greater and lesser brain, brontosaural.  A thought and its strange horn.  The beginning and end of sleep.  A dream of dreaming and of waking.  A hand and its other becoming breath and its shadows, a one eye open, a book.
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January 22, 2009 (permalink)

I dreamed I underwent a colonoscopy.


Designed by the Serif of Nottingblog.


After the procedure, I was beautiful enough to appear in Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, and Stephen Colbert's hilarious book Wigfield.


A semi-asterisk typo from page 156 of Wigfield.

Granted, I was a typo, but that's why they called me "The Insinuator."
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January 13, 2009 (permalink)

I dreamed I was tied up.


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December 16, 2008 (permalink)


"Punctstellations" by Gary Barwin.  See full size.
I dreamed of star-gazing.
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December 12, 2008 (permalink)

I had a nightmare about a ghost shark.


(Illustration incorporates artwork by Dr. Tony Ayling.)
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December 11, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed I came down with stigmata.
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November 21, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed a secret admirer sent me a love letter.


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November 16, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed I arrived at a pajama party in fancy dress; I was mortified.


 
Thanks to the Serif of Nottingblog for featuring this piece earlier.
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November 4, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed I went on a silence retreat.


Collage by Genevieve Dionne.
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October 20, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed it was the ampersand's 40th birthday.


Photo source.
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October 9, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed of a holiday on the islands of San Serriffe.


See large scan at Strange Maps.  Read about the mythical history of San Serriffe at the Museum of Hoaxes.  Thanks, Gordon.
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September 19, 2008 (permalink)


Full-size image at source.
I dreamed I had tea under the ampersand tree.*

*Inspired by William Heyen's Pig Notes & Dumb Music: Prose on Poetry, which features the following line: "(& I dreamed a tree whose leaves were ampersands. . . .)" [ellipses and parentheses his]
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September 18, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed that I never got to meet Cormac McCarthy.
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September 16, 2008 (permalink)



Artwork by Vladstudio, offered in all sorts of desktop wallpaper sizes.
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September 8, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed the ampersand asked me to write a character reference:

To whom it may concern,

I confirm that I have known & for a # of years.  Indeed, & officiated at my wedding to my better half.  Having earned varsity letters in wrestling and macramé, & will be a valuable asset if drafted or otherwise conscripted into small business.  Proficient in Latin and sign language, &’s communication style is to the point.  A natural mediator and expert on mergers, & is an all-around exceptional character.

Sincerely,

 ;
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September 5, 2008 (permalink)

I dreamed a story from beginning to end.


Image by the clever and prolific Brooklyn-based graphic artist Christopher David Ryan.
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