CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is
Select Creations
Search Site

Breathing Circle
Music Box Moment
Perdition Slip
Loves Me? Loves Me Not?
Wacky Birthday Form
Test Your ESP
Chess-Calvino Dictionary
Is Today the Day?
100 Ways I Failed to Boil Water
"Follow Your Bliss" Compass
"Fortune's Navigator" Compass
Inkblot Oracle
Luck Transfer Certificate
Eternal Life Coupon
Honorary Italian Grandmother E-card
Simple Answers


A Fine Line Between...
A Rose is a ...
Always Remember
Annotated Ellipses
Apropos of Nothing
Book of Whispers
Call it a Hunch
Colorful Allusions
Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up?
Disguised as a Christmas Tree
Don't Take This the Wrong Way
Everybody's Doing This Now
Forgotten Wisdom
Glued Snippets
Go Out in a Blaze of Glory
Hindpsych: Erstwhile Conjectures by the Sometime Augur of Yore
I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought
Images Moving Through Time
Indubitably (?)
Inflationary Lyrics
It Bears Repeating
It's Really Happening
Last Dustbunny in the Netherlands
Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led
No News Is Good News
Nonsense Dept.
Not Rocket Science
Oldest Tricks in the Book
On One Condition
One Mitten Manager
Only Funny If ...
P I n K S L i P
Peace Symbols to Color
Presumptive Conundrums
Puzzles and Games
Letter Grids
Tic Tac Toe Story Generator
Which is Funnier
Restoring the Lost Sense
Rhetorical Questions, Answered!
Semicolon Moons
Semicolon's Dream Journal
Simple Answers
Someone Should Write a Book on ...
Something, Defined
Staring at the Sun
Staring Into the Depths
Strange Dreams
Suddenly, A Shot Rang Out
Telescopic Em Dashes
The 40 Most Meaningful Things
The Ghost In The [Scanning] Machine
The Only Certainty
The Right Word
This May Surprise You
This Terrible Problem That Is the Sea
Two Sides / Same Coin
Uncharted Territories
Yesterday's Weather
Your Ship Will Come In


March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006


Magic Words
Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0
Dr. Boli
Serif of Nottingblog
Tonya Harding Shot
Lord Whimsy
April Winchell
DJ Misc
Joe Brainard's Pyjamas
J-Walk Blog
Ironic Sans
Ursi's Blog
Brian Sibley's Blog
World of Wonder
Abecedarian personal effects of 'a mad genius'
A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.
Something, Defined

February 15, 2015 (permalink)

"Something, something, something.  Something, something.  Something!"  From the "By Appointment" episode of the timelessly funny Are You Being Served?

November 26, 2014 (permalink)

"You're always thinking something is something else."

August 16, 2014 (permalink)

"'Give me the life I love,' sand Mr. Plumstead, 'let the something go by me, tum-te-tum-tum-tum, and the something nigh me.'" —Edmund Crispin, Love Lies Bleeding

April 18, 2014 (permalink)

From Kayvan Novak's hilarious Fonejacker series 2 (unseen footage).

March 5, 2014 (permalink)

A book about nice things (for Jonathan Caws-Elwitt), from Lilliput Lyrics by William Brighty Rands and illustrated by Reginald Brimley Johnson (1899).

April 4, 2013 (permalink)

"It's beans, beans, beans, beans."  A still from a bonus interview in Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle.

August 14, 2012 (permalink)

The entirety of history: "nothing, something, something, something, maybe something, nothing, something, something, something, something and not at once, something, something, assuredly there must be something, nothing." —William Keckler

July 31, 2011 (permalink)

"But something, something means all."
Christine Brooke-Rose, Out

June 16, 2011 (permalink)

"Hey, like Aretha, says: R-e-s-p-e-c-t.  Something something means to me or however the other lyrics go."
Christopher John Farley, My Favorite War

May 19, 2011 (permalink)

"To find out what something means requires thinking beyond the given, concrete materials within a visual field and replacing 'what is' with 'what if.'" —Diane Lapp, Handbook of Research on Teaching the English Language Arts

December 6, 2010 (permalink)

"What something means remains open ended, future oriented, and changeable." —Jeffrey Thomas Nealon & Susan Searls Giroux

"In telling what something means, you express an opinion, much as you do in telling what you like or dislike." —Philip Edward Burnham

"If you know what something means, that 'something' will be part of your life. If you can't conceive of what something means, it will have no part in your life." —Susan Felicity Minsos

"We aren't talking about what something means to you anymore, we're talking about what something means to itself and that's a very different thing." —Matthew Watkinson

December 26, 2009 (permalink)

"I don't think something something something is very threatening."
Philippa Gregory, The Other Boleyn Girl

September 20, 2009 (permalink)

From Strangers with Candy:

Jerri Blank:  I'm having a lot of trouble cornering my dreams.  All I know is that when you quit school that day, the things you said really inspired me.

Geoffrey Jellineck:  Hey, Jerri, do you remember what I said?  Please?

Jerri Blank:  Of course.  You said "Something something, something."

Geoffrey Jellineck:  That loses a little "umph" the second time around.

April 2, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

The something something something ... Suddenly, out of nowhere, Henry saw it. The first word wasn't 'the.' (From Herbie Brennan, Faerie Wars, 2007)

March 24, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

There was something, something something / And the something will entwine / And the something, something, something / With the saintly Cybeline. (From Stacy Aumonier, 'Burney's Laugh', The Century, Vol XCII, 1916)

March 18, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

You stay here something something something... A deep voice answers, That's stupid. At this point something something someting... (From Marc Acito, How I Paid for College, 2004)

March 10, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

In each individual experience we have an intuition of something agreeing with something, something differing from something, and something succeeding something, while in the consiousness of something we have also what has been termed consciousness of power, active and passive. (From Mind: A Quarterly Review of Psychology and Philosophy, 1878)

February 27, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

Something; something somethings--something. (From Frogments from the Frag Pool by Gary Barwin & Derek Beaulieu, 2005)

February 17, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

Yongzing went on, '[Something, something something] Buddha [something, something] Buddhism. (From Matthew Polly, American Shaolin, 2007)

February 12, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

Ah yes, there was something else important, very important, that I was keeping till I should be in bed. The bolts? No, I told him about them. No it was something, something in the drawing room... Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace (1869) translated by L. & A. Maude (1923)

Page 1 of 2

> Older Entries...

Original Content Copyright © 2015 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.