CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
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A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.
Something, Defined

August 16, 2014 (permalink)

"'Give me the life I love,' sand Mr. Plumstead, 'let the something go by me, tum-te-tum-tum-tum, and the something nigh me.'" —Edmund Crispin, Love Lies Bleeding

April 18, 2014 (permalink)

From Kayvan Novak's hilarious Fonejacker series 2 (unseen footage).





March 5, 2014 (permalink)

A book about nice things (for Jonathan Caws-Elwitt), from Lilliput Lyrics by William Brighty Rands and illustrated by Reginald Brimley Johnson (1899).



April 4, 2013 (permalink)



"It's beans, beans, beans, beans."  A still from a bonus interview in Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle.

August 14, 2012 (permalink)


The entirety of history: "nothing, something, something, something, maybe something, nothing, something, something, something, something and not at once, something, something, assuredly there must be something, nothing." —William Keckler

July 31, 2011 (permalink)

"But something, something means all."
Christine Brooke-Rose, Out

June 16, 2011 (permalink)

"Hey, like Aretha, says: R-e-s-p-e-c-t.  Something something means to me or however the other lyrics go."
Christopher John Farley, My Favorite War

May 19, 2011 (permalink)

"To find out what something means requires thinking beyond the given, concrete materials within a visual field and replacing 'what is' with 'what if.'" —Diane Lapp, Handbook of Research on Teaching the English Language Arts

December 6, 2010 (permalink)

"What something means remains open ended, future oriented, and changeable." —Jeffrey Thomas Nealon & Susan Searls Giroux

"In telling what something means, you express an opinion, much as you do in telling what you like or dislike." —Philip Edward Burnham

"If you know what something means, that 'something' will be part of your life. If you can't conceive of what something means, it will have no part in your life." —Susan Felicity Minsos

"We aren't talking about what something means to you anymore, we're talking about what something means to itself and that's a very different thing." —Matthew Watkinson

December 26, 2009 (permalink)

"I don't think something something something is very threatening."
Philippa Gregory, The Other Boleyn Girl

September 20, 2009 (permalink)

From Strangers with Candy:

Jerri Blank:  I'm having a lot of trouble cornering my dreams.  All I know is that when you quit school that day, the things you said really inspired me.

Geoffrey Jellineck:  Hey, Jerri, do you remember what I said?  Please?

Jerri Blank:  Of course.  You said "Something something, something."

Geoffrey Jellineck:  That loses a little "umph" the second time around.

April 2, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

The something something something ... Suddenly, out of nowhere, Henry saw it. The first word wasn't 'the.' (From Herbie Brennan, Faerie Wars, 2007)

March 24, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

There was something, something something / And the something will entwine / And the something, something, something / With the saintly Cybeline. (From Stacy Aumonier, 'Burney's Laugh', The Century, Vol XCII, 1916)

March 18, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

You stay here something something something... A deep voice answers, That's stupid. At this point something something someting... (From Marc Acito, How I Paid for College, 2004)

March 10, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

In each individual experience we have an intuition of something agreeing with something, something differing from something, and something succeeding something, while in the consiousness of something we have also what has been termed consciousness of power, active and passive. (From Mind: A Quarterly Review of Psychology and Philosophy, 1878)

February 27, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

Something; something somethings--something. (From Frogments from the Frag Pool by Gary Barwin & Derek Beaulieu, 2005)

February 17, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

Yongzing went on, '[Something, something something] Buddha [something, something] Buddhism. (From Matthew Polly, American Shaolin, 2007)

February 12, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

Ah yes, there was something else important, very important, that I was keeping till I should be in bed. The bolts? No, I told him about them. No it was something, something in the drawing room... Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace (1869) translated by L. & A. Maude (1923)

January 31, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

Their conversation had gone like this: Something something, ... the White Dog of Afghanistan ... something entirely unintelligible (from Mark Helprin, Winter's Tale, 2005)

January 24, 2009 (permalink)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal the solution!

Something something something means lots and lots of ___ beans. Perhaps ___ itself? (from Barbara Pym, An Unsuitable Attachment, 1983)


Original Content Copyright © 2014 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.