CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
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A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.
July 31, 2006

Go Out in a Blaze of Glory (permalink)
Don’t tell me I don’t know the horrors of Vietnam.  You’re waging your own diabolical war, and I’m the lone victim. Congratulations, General, the target has been obliterated.  Go ahead and plant the flagpole of victory straight through my heart.  You’ve won.
> read more from Go Out in a Blaze of Glory . . .

July 30, 2006

Strange Dreams (permalink)

I dreamed there was nothing in the house to eat but an amoeba.  I remembered from science class that amoebas can make one sick.  So I tried frying my amoeba.  All the while, I fantasized about having a different single-celled plant/animal to eat: the euglena, my all-time favorite when it comes to green scum.
If you have a strange dream to share, send it along!
> read more from Strange Dreams . . .


Oldest Tricks in the Book (permalink)
Decoys

Hah!  That’s the oldest trick in the book, Skip.  They’re tryin’ to decoy us away ere so they can burn the wallgate.
—Brian Jacques, Marlfox (1998)

> read more from Oldest Tricks in the Book . . .

July 29, 2006

Semicolon's Dream Journal (permalink)

I dreamed that, like a colon, I stood between parts of a numerical expression of time (in hours, minutes, and seconds).  On digital clocks, I got to blink.

Later that night, I dreamed about that gorgeous passage in the novel MIDDLESEX by Jeffrey Eugenides, about the teacher who "spoke in complete paragraphs.  If you listened closely it was possible to hear the dashes and commas in his speech, even the colons and semicolons."
> read more from Semicolon's Dream Journal . . .

July 28, 2006

Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led (permalink)

Saint Cartello
Patron of Planned Obsolescence.

Originally a friend to poor workmen (then, over time, associated with "poor workmanship"), Saint Cartello was an expounder of the philosophy of "Divine Second Thoughts."  Shrines to Saint Cartello, manufactured on assembly lines, are traditionally replaced annually.  Cartello oversees self-defeating obsessions, American-made appliances, disposable razors, and unpredictable hemlines.
Who is your favorite imaginary saint?  Do share!
> read more from Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led . . .


Rhetorical Questions, Answered! (permalink)
"Is it just me?"  On a technicality, no.  One should say, "Is it just I?"  But then the answer would still be no, and you can prove it by looking in a phone book.
> read more from Rhetorical Questions, Answered! . . .

July 27, 2006

Puzzles and Games :: D-ictionary (permalink)
> read more from Puzzles and Games :: D-ictionary . . .


Strange Dreams (permalink)
I dreamed that rabbits communicate via eye blinks.


If you have a strange dream to share, send it along!
> read more from Strange Dreams . . .


I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought (permalink)
New Summer Course Offerings at the "Real World University"

  • Creative Accounting
  • Yoga in a Chair
  • Yellow Journalism
  • Spanish Cognates 2
  • Pseudo-Documentary Filmmaking

Hmmm... I'd love to learn how to slander a celebrity and balance my checking account, but if I take Spanish Cognates then I won't have to buy a textbook!
> read more from I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought . . .

July 26, 2006

Puzzles and Games :: Film-ictionary (permalink)
> read more from Puzzles and Games :: Film-ictionary . . .


Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? (permalink)
Did you hear the one I just made up about the horticulturist who got stranded on a tropical island?  He wasn't lonely—he had a lot of fronds.
> read more from Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? . . .


Oldest Tricks in the Book (permalink)
Cut

It’s the oldest trick in the world.  We must cut.
—Gilles Pouliot, Legislative Assembly of Ontario 1995)
> read more from Oldest Tricks in the Book . . .

July 25, 2006

I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought (permalink)
> read more from I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought . . .

July 24, 2006

Puzzles and Games :: Letter Grids (permalink)

This puzzle grid contains an 8-letter word meaning "deadbeats, layabouts, delinquents." Can you find it? All letters in the word must touch (in any direction), and no square may be reused.

The following hints are in black text on a black background. Highlight to view.

Hint regarding word's location: The word begins in the fourth row.

Hint regarding first letter: The word begins with a D.

Answer: Dropouts.

There is also an 8-letter adjective describing certain types of maps and furniture.

Answer: Foldouts.
> read more from Puzzles and Games :: Letter Grids . . .


Inflationary Lyrics (permalink)
SONG: Heartaches For a Dime
ARTIST: Wynn Stewart

ORIGINAL LYRIC:

I only know I've held you close and kissed you my last time
And that's a lot of heartaches for a dime

ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION:

I only know I've held you close and obeyed your every order
And that's a lot of heartaches for a quarter
* Payphones used to take dimes, but now they take quarters.  Isn't it time to update song lyrics to reflect the realities of inflation?  Alas, it's vastly easier to rhyme the word "dime" than the word "quarter," but here at Inflationary Lyrics Headquarters we have risen to the challenge.  Please join the fun and share your own inflationary lyrics, with both the "before" and "after" versions!
> read more from Inflationary Lyrics . . .

July 23, 2006

Strange Dreams (permalink)

I dreamed that auroras were caused by bats.
If you have a strange dream to share, send it along!
> read more from Strange Dreams . . .


The Right Word (permalink)
Split Personalities:

All animals are famous for 15 minutes,
but some are more famous than others.

—George Warhol, author of Animal Farm
and leader of pop art movement.


so much depends
upon
a course in
miracles

—William Carlos Williamson, author of
"The Red Wheelbarrow" and A Return to Love.


God gave a loaf to Mr. Scrooge,
But just a crumb to me.

—Emily Dickens, author of "Because I Could not
Stop for Death" and A Christmas Carol.
> read more from The Right Word . . .

July 22, 2006

Oldest Tricks in the Book (permalink)
Counting Sheep

Counting sheep: The oldest trick in the book really works.
—James B. Mass, Power Sleep (1999)

> read more from Oldest Tricks in the Book . . .


Semicolon's Dream Journal (permalink)

I dreamed about a face.  There was "a tiny scar above [the] right eyebrow shaped just like a semicolon," exactly as in TAKE A CHANCE ON ME by Susan Donovan.

Then I dreamed that I fell in love with a woman who "spoke with the kind of fluency where you could SEE the semicolons in her speech," just as in BLACK FRIDAY by James Patterson.
> read more from Semicolon's Dream Journal . . .

July 21, 2006

Images Moving Through Time (permalink)
> read more from Images Moving Through Time . . .

July 20, 2006

Forgotten Wisdom (permalink)
From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:


Thanks for inspiration: Gordon Meyer and the Bureau of Land Management.
Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon.  Selected posters are also available via Zazzle.
> read more from Forgotten Wisdom . . .


The Right Word (permalink)

Selected Wisdom of Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:

It's perfectly easy to confuse Socrates with Groucho Marx, but how often do we actually take the time to do it?

A midnight invitation to step in for a cup of cocoa is a nice treat -- with or without the cocoa.

Where there's a curd, there's a whey.

An executive who fields her own phone calls has a fool for a receptionist.

Clutter is the niece of inspiration.

The night belongs to raccoons.

Reciprocity is a two-way street.

A writer may be self-employed, but she is at the beck and call of thousands of insistent little words.

A yuppie is someone who doesn't know he's eating rye bread until he gets a caraway seed stuck in his teeth.

The clock with a quiet tick advances just as quickly.

Literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt's plays, stories, essays, letters, parodies, wordplay, witticisms and miscellaneous tomfoolery can be found at Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0. Here you'll encounter frivolous, urbane writings about symbolic yams, pigs in bikinis, donut costumes, vacationing pikas, nonexistent movies, cross-continental peppermills, and other compelling subjects.
> read more from The Right Word . . .


Pfft! (permalink)
“She practically calls men devils incarnate.  Says women could get along without us, that we should be put in quarantine and kept away from all women ... Pfft!”  He shot out his hand.  —Greg Bear, Darwin’s Radio.
* The British expression "noise stroke gesture" (in American parlance, "noise slash gesture" or "noise/gesture") refers to the intriguing fact that some vocal expressions seem to call for an accompanying hand gesture.  Take, for example, Pfft!  No matter what its intended meaning, it virtually demands to be echoed in sign language.  Have you noticed a pfft hand gesture in print?  Please share!

For a variety of surprising definitions of pfft, check out my Dictionary of All-Consonant Words at OneLetterWords.com.
> read more from Pfft! . . .

July 19, 2006

Puzzles and Games :: Letter Grids (permalink)

This puzzle grid contains a 9-letter word meaning "containing air." Can you find it?  All letters in the word must touch (in any direction), and no square may be reused.

The following hints are in black text on a black background. Highlight to view.

Hint regarding word's location: The word begins in the fourth row.

Hint regarding first letter: The word begins with a P.

Answer: Pneumatic.

There is also an 8-letter adjective describing a person who insists on absolute adherence to traditoinal rules.

Answer: Puristic.
> read more from Puzzles and Games :: Letter Grids . . .


The Right Word (permalink)
Spoken Word Correction Fluid:

"Scratch that."
"Forget it."
"I take that back."
"The jury is instructed to ignore that outburst."
"Can we start all over?"
> read more from The Right Word . . .

July 18, 2006

Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? (permalink)
Did you hear the one I just made up about the fortune teller who got stranded on a tropical island?  She wasn't bored—she could read palms.
> read more from Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? . . .


Oldest Tricks in the Book (permalink)
Confidence

Sometimes these guys would be taken into Henry’s confidence (the oldest trick in the world to get people to be on your side, and feel important so they will cooperate).
—Brice Taylor, Thanks for the Memories (1999)
> read more from Oldest Tricks in the Book . . .

July 17, 2006

Puzzles and Games :: Letter Grids (permalink)

This puzzle grid contains a 9-letter word meaning "catching sight of." Can you find it?

The following hints are in black text on a black background. Highlight to view.

Hint regarding word's location: The word occurs in the bottom three rows.

Hint regarding first letter: The word begins with a G.

Answer: Glimpsing.

There is also an 8-letter word meaning "allowing."

Answer: Enabling.
> read more from Puzzles and Games :: Letter Grids . . .


I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought (permalink)

The white cliffs of Dover, notable as a large natural chalk deposit, were originally connected by a land bridge to the Great Blackboards of northern France.
Jonathan Caws-Elwitt, "What Passes for Science"
> read more from I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought . . .

July 16, 2006

I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought (permalink)
I accidentally scratched my left eye with my fingernail.  It wasn't a severe wound--there wasn't any blood or even tears, for that matter.  But the eye kept hurting, so I finally went to the eye doctor to have it checked out.  Luckily, the doctor said my eye was healing just fine, but the way he described the wound was intriguing.  Peering at my eye through his instruments, he said, "It's like I'm looking at a constellation of stars."  Apparently, there were some microscopic fragments of glass on my fingernail when I cut my eye (I can't imagine where they came from!), and they were twinkling at the doctor.  With my interest in astrology and the concept of the eyes being the "window of the soul," I found it fascinating that the doctor saw a star field in my eye.  Then he said something even more intriguing.  He described the tiny cut in my eye as a "comet trail," and he talked about how it was flying toward the corner of my eye.  I've been trying to analyze the symbolic significance of my diagnosis.  The left eye is traditionally associated with feminine insight.  A comet is traditionally considered a harbinger of some sort.  So does a comet trailing through my feminine insight toward my nose ("third eye" area) seem to announce a shift in my outlook?
> read more from I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought . . .

July 15, 2006

Puzzles and Games :: Film-ictionary (permalink)
> read more from Puzzles and Games :: Film-ictionary . . .


Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? (permalink)
Remember that dark era when ventriloquists were getting blacklisted?  I understand that type of Charlie McCarthyism is being voiced again in puppet governments.
> read more from Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? . . .


Semicolon's Dream Journal (permalink)

I dreamed I had yet another name: HEMIcolon.  Hemi means "relating to or affecting a half."  I affected half the Library of Congress.

But my dream-visit to Washington turned into a nightmare.  I dreamed that Theodore Roosevelt "recruited two of the finest legal consultants in New York State to scrutinize every semicolon that came out of either House," just as documented in THE RISE OF THEODORE ROOSEVELT by Edmund Morris.
> read more from Semicolon's Dream Journal . . .

July 14, 2006

Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led (permalink)

Saint Dubium
Patron of Questionable Merits.

Saint Dubium rules over Gothic architecture, bohemian poetry, most lawsuits, innumerable gadgets, a host of guidebooks, grandiose claims, local bands, and non-prescription topical ointments.
Who is your favorite imaginary saint?  Do share!
> read more from Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led . . .


Oldest Tricks in the Book (permalink)
Concealing One's Tracks

[T]he tire tracks vanished into a river, one of the oldest tricks in the book.
—J. Gregory Keyes, Deadly Relations (1999)

> read more from Oldest Tricks in the Book . . .

July 13, 2006

Puzzles and Games :: Film-ictionary (permalink)
> read more from Puzzles and Games :: Film-ictionary . . .


Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? (permalink)
Did you hear the one I just made up about the guy who was addicted to home repair jobs?

He was in constant need of a fix.
> read more from Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? . . .


Go Out in a Blaze of Glory (permalink)
You have made it abundantly clear what is important in your life.  Through body language, speech, gestures, facial expressions, postures, eye contact, and written words, you have effectively communicated your point.  Here’s your report card with a great big “A.”  It’s underlined, italicized, and in ALL CAPS!  Show and Tell is over for today.  So take your gold star and run back to Mommie.
> read more from Go Out in a Blaze of Glory . . .

July 12, 2006

The Right Word (permalink)
Selected Wit by Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:

The problem with being frivolous is that no one takes you seriously.

I must be on my way. I have a lot of important dawdling to do.

The theater is no place for histrionics.

I claim no expertise, only a knack for groundless opinions.

My plans are never foolproof, only fool-resistant.

The beaujolais was so pretentious that when I sniffed the cork, it sniffed back.

One of these days, I shall slough off this phony accent and assume a genuine accent.

I like The Importance of Being Earnest so much that I've worn out three pairs of glasses re-reading it. And I don't even wear glasses.

I wouldn't mind working all day, if only it didn't take all day to do it.

Literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt's plays, stories, essays, letters, parodies, wordplay, witticisms and miscellaneous tomfoolery can be found at Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0. Here you'll encounter frivolous, urbane writings about symbolic yams, pigs in bikinis, donut costumes, vacationing pikas, nonexistent movies, cross-continental peppermills, and other compelling subjects.
> read more from The Right Word . . .


Strange Dreams (permalink)
I dreamed I was in a tall, rectangular tower with two other people (unknown to me now, but I believe they were older than I, one perhaps my mother), and I knew that at the very top of the tower was a collection of gargoyles, grotesqueries, and occult books.   I assumed that we would float up to the top, but in the blink of an eye we were somehow already standing up there.  There were shelves on the walls, full of grotesque statuettes (some carved, some plush), and the very sight of them filled me with tremendous bliss.  I even remarked to my companions that I was experiencing total bliss just witnessing these shelves.  They were blissful as well.  It wasn't a kind of giddiness, because none of us were laughing, but I was certainly all smiles.  I was experiencing pure contentment and the feeling that all was perfect, and I wanted nothing more in the world than to keep gazing on these superficially ugly objects.

As H.P. Blavatsky wrote, "According to the Gnostics, the two principles of Good and Evil are immutable Light and Shadow, good and evil being virtually one and having existed through all eternity, as they will ever continue to exist so long as there are manifested worlds.  Were it light alone, inactive and absolute, the human mind could not appreciate it nor even realize it.  Shadow is that which enables light to manifest itself, and gives it objective reality.  Therefore shadow is not evil, but is the necessary and indispensable corollary which completes light or good: it is its creator on Earth."
If you have a strange dream to share, send it along!
> read more from Strange Dreams . . .

July 11, 2006

I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought (permalink)
The 7 Stages of Vacation Preparedness

by Ellen Miz Ellen (via Bovine Reading Material)

Stage 1:
From the end of the last vacation to 6 months: 
It’s over.  You grieve but come to terms with it, and go back to work.

Stage 2:
6 months to 2 months prior:
A faint hope dawns.  Pleasant memories resurface and go back to sleep.
 
Stage 3:
2 months to 1 month prior:
Practical arrangements are considered.

Stage 4:
1 month to 1 week prior:
Anticipation builds.  Practical arrangements are made.  Packing is mentally organized.  Lists are made.  This time, one will not leave town in a hideous last-minute scramble.

Stage 5:
1 week to 1 day prior: 
Laundry, work and loss of lists interfere with orderly preparation.  Anticipation turns to despair, rage and exasperation.  Practical arrangements frequently become unstuck at this point.

Stage 6:
The night before:
Washing machine breaks, dishwasher explodes and coyotes trash garbage bin.

Stage 7: The morning of:
Stuff dirty clothes hamper into truck of car, set timer on detonator to dynamite under house to explode in 50 minutes and drive off.  Return 45 minutes later to retrieve toothbrush.  Forget to turn detonator back on.

            Vacation!

Return to find house still standing.  Cancel insurance claim.  Resume Stage 1.
> read more from I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought . . .

July 10, 2006

Images Moving Through Time (permalink)
> read more from Images Moving Through Time . . .


Oldest Tricks in the Book (permalink)
Compliments, Personal Observations, and Questions Designed to Make You Feel Interesting, Special

—Fiona Mountain, Pale As the Dead (2004)

I was telling her she was beautiful.  The oldest trick in the world, but it was working!
—Howard Stern, Private Parts (1997)

> read more from Oldest Tricks in the Book . . .

July 9, 2006

I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought (permalink)
The Lazy Novelist's Rough Draft

Chapter One

"Where have you been?"
"Oh, you know."
"Did you meet..."
"What's-his-name?  Yep, and that friend of his, Miss Thing."
"So what happened?"
"Don't get me started."
"I can just imagine it!"
"You don't know the half of it.  Words can't begin to describe what I went through with those two."
"You don't mean..."
"You read my mind."
"Say no more."
> read more from I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought . . .

July 8, 2006

Semicolon's Dream Journal (permalink)

www.pictureshowman.com
I woke up in a panic, having dreamed about the rise of the short sentence phasing out semicolons.

Then I dreamed about a refrigerator.  On it was "an article called 'The Endangered Semicolon' (held there by a magnet shaped like the also-endangered red wolf)," just as in Julia Glass's THREE JUNES.

Earlier that night, I dreamt of Manderley.
> read more from Semicolon's Dream Journal . . .

July 7, 2006

Puzzles and Games :: Constellations (permalink)
Can you find the pictured constellation in this night sky?  Click the image for the answer and a nifty quotation.


> read more from Puzzles and Games :: Constellations . . .

July 6, 2006

Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led (permalink)

Saint Lieblos
Patron of Involuntary Celibacy.

Watchful over many a loveless marriage, Saint Lieblos penned the well-known tract entitled "Divine Relief from Sleeplessness: A Missionary's Position."
Who is your favorite imaginary saint?  Do share!
> read more from Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led . . .


Oldest Tricks in the Book (permalink)
Coat Change

“The coat change was the oldest trick in the book.”
—Celeste Bradley, The Pretender: The Liar’s Club (2003)

If one is being followed, this trick involves changing one’s coat to a different color so as to lose oneself in a crowd.
> read more from Oldest Tricks in the Book . . .

July 5, 2006

Puzzles and Games (permalink)
What do Erasmus, this solitary English tower, and these colorful dancers have in common?

The answer: Each is in praise of folly. The tower is an example of "architectural folly," the dancers are from Ziegfield's Follies, and Erasmus wrote Praise of Folly.  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)


> read more from Puzzles and Games . . .

July 4, 2006

Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led (permalink)

Saint Pfennig
Patron of the Intrinsically Useless.

Saint Pfennig oversees things devoid of purpose, such as motor boat racing, camping, public works, and vandalism.  In some cultures, he is associated with the inexplicable and the totally misunderstood.  In others, he is patron of unaskable and unrelated questions.  Paintings of him (often sanctimoniously vandalized) usually depict him "hovering all too near the angelic pleroma of total meaninglessness," to quote Mac Wellman out of context.  Traditional offerings to Saint Pfennig include copper pennies, trinkets, ornaments, and governmental reports.

Reader Comments:

Jonathan wrote:
Saint Pfennig!  Perfect concept, perfect name.  And the Dadaesque paradigm of sanctimonious vandalization -- great!
Who is your favorite imaginary saint?  Do share!
> read more from Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led . . .


Rhetorical Questions, Answered! (permalink)
"Who died and made you God?"  Buddha did, for example, teaching that anyone could do anything he could do.
> read more from Rhetorical Questions, Answered! . . .

July 3, 2006

Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led (permalink)

Saint Futilis
Patron of Quiet Desperation.

Best known for his "Litany of a Thousand Muted Cries for Help," Saint Futilis' sermons were famously punctuated by angry silences.  Futilis eventually founded a  monastery, "The Brothers of Unspeakable Loneliness" (a.k.a. "Nothing Really Martyrs"), where the daily rounds of prayer were known as "Counting the Minutes."  Overcome with feelings of meaninglessness after Futilis' death, the monks never mustered the wherewithal to disband, though the Church officially renounced them after misinterpreting a manifesto entitled "Our Resignation."
Who is your favorite imaginary saint?  Do share!
> read more from Neither Saint- Nor Sophist-Led . . .


Inflationary Lyrics (permalink)
SONG: Slow Motion
ARTIST: Blondie

ORIGINAL LYRIC:

Slow motion you can stop on a dime
Slow motion you ought to try it sometime

ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION:

Slow motion you sedately escort her
Slow motion you ought to lend her a quarter
* Payphones used to take dimes, but now they take quarters.  Isn't it time to update song lyrics to reflect the realities of inflation?  Alas, it's vastly easier to rhyme the word "dime" than the word "quarter," but here at Inflationary Lyrics Headquarters we have risen to the challenge.  Please join the fun and share your own inflationary lyrics, with both the "before" and "after" versions!
> read more from Inflationary Lyrics . . .

July 2, 2006

Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? (permalink)
I'm mad at my friend the cook. 

He only calls me when he's in a jam.
> read more from Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? . . .


Oldest Tricks in the Book (permalink)
Cheating

The oldest trick in the book happened to him.  He came home early one afternoon and found his wife in bed with another guy.
—Christopher Pike, The Blind Mirror (2003)

> read more from Oldest Tricks in the Book . . .

July 1, 2006

Semicolon's Dream Journal (permalink)
I dreamed I had corrective surgery to turn my comma half into a period.  Now I was a colon.  I stood proudly before explanations, examples, definitions, restatements, recapitulations, quotations, appositives, and lists.

Then I dreamed about a bunch of "perplexing semicolons," as in THE LINE OF BEAUTY by Alan Hollinghurst.
> read more from Semicolon's Dream Journal . . .



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Original Content Copyright © 2014 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.