"The answer is simple enough:  it cannot.”

—Lee Rainwater, Social Problems and Public Policy (1974)

"When a reader falls in love with a book, it leaves its essence inside him, like radioactive fallout in an arable field, and after that there are certain crops that will no longer grow in him, while other, stranger, more fantastic growths may occasionally be produced."
—Salman Rushdie

As we noted last year, our 14th great-grandmother, Mary Sidney, Countess of Pembroke, has many distinctions, not the least of which is her likelihood of having written the Shakespeare plays and sonnets. (For compelling evidence, see Sweet Swan of Avon: Did a Woman Write Shakespeare?) We couldn't help noticing that Mary Sidney's facial features bear an uncanny resemblance to the familiar Shakespeare visage. If the animated gif below doesn't animate, see the before-and-after frames.

(Thank you, editor-writer-critic Michael Redmond, for exclaiming, "Ah! The truth at last!")

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

We're often asked why we blog using the majestic plural (the "royal we").  Truth be told, it's personal.  Our 27th great grandfather, King Henry II of England (so charmingly portrayed by Peter O'Toole in the classic film The Lion in Winter) is credited with the first recorded use of the majestic plural.  Please don't mistake our pronouns for "the patronizing we" (as in, "Aren't we chipper today?") or "the psychotic we" (as in Gollum's "We wants it, we needs it.  Must have the precious.")

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

"Words and forms that did not exist at all in standard English some time ago are now becoming accepted into the standard language and may already have become fully accepted. This may surprise you."
—Robert Lawrence Trask, Say What you Mean! (2005)

"The idea of calling it a 'hunch'! — it just shows how little taste he has."
—Anne Virginia Sharp Patterson, The American Girl of the Period (1877), as if referring to Marty Feldman's character in Young Frankenstein


A still from the perennially hilarious Young Frankenstein.

Who could believe an ant in theory?
A giraffe in blueprint?
Ten thousand doctors of what's possible
Could reason half the jungle out of being.
—John Ciardi, qtd. in The Richness of Life by Stephen Jay Gould

via Clint Marsh

"There is only the finest line between 'I am dreaming' and 'I am in a dream,' since the brain creates both states.  Why not cross the line?"  —Deepak Chopra, Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul (2009)

"Believe it or not, I was young once, too."
—Charlaine Harris, Crimes by Moonlight

 

Imagine a game of "What's My Line," in which either a cherub or an imp whispers into a blindfolded panelist's ear.

Are the whispered words pictured on the right of an angelic or a diabolical nature?

Answer: Diabolical. "Some demon whispered him, that he had mistaken the road to fortune, and suggested that he had better retreat in time, and endeavor to patch up his hopes by another course of life." —"The Exile,” The American Monthly Magazine, Vol. 1, 1833, p. 242. (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)

Prof. Oddfellow walks into a sunrise mural.  (For Gordon.)

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

This collage is in honor of Emily Dickinson, our beloved 21st cousin.

"The answer is simple:  Be yourself!”

—Hakuyu Taizan Maezumi, Appreciate Your Life (2001)

We're so often mesmerized by rows of asterisks twinkling on pages of old books.  Here's an especially dreamy example from Wilfred Montressor: or, The Secret Order of the Seven (1865).

"This may surprise you, but every religion is the sum of its adherents."
—Scott Cunningham, Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner (1988)

"The answer is simple: the problem is one which we have created by making this false abstraction and setting it alongside the facts from which we have abstracted it as if it were another fact."
—Charles M. Sherover, The Human Experience of Time (2001)

Scrabble lovers can save 60% with the iPad edition of our popular Dictionary of Improbable Words (all-consonant and all-vowel words):

http://itunes.apple.com/us/book/wyes-dictionary-improbable/id430260019

Did you hear about how in the next release of the Star Wars films, C3PO and R2R2 will have a new sidekick?  What Lucas is calling an act of "strategic symbiosis" and what critics are decrying as blatant product placement, the iconic robots will be joined by what looks for all the world(s) like a floating iPad.  The name of this superflat sidekick?  B43D.

May we never forget:

• the Alamo
  
• why we are so happy
• the mystery of probability
• our heritage
• to take care of Mother Earth
• that music is magic
• what we owe to our heroes
• from whence we came
• there may be squalls (of temper as well as wind)
• the struggles and wants of the poor
• our vows
• the price of liberty
• the sacrifices of others
• the inscription on the Greek temple: "Know Thyself."
• our mortality
• that we are one people
• the wonderful power of kind words, kind actions, kind attention, and gentle treatment
• to use our voices, our time, our energy to make this a better place to be
• that every subject has many different aspects
• that archeology is about people and their behaviors, in all their marvelous, often bewildering, variety
  
• that professional courtesies are due to every honorable dentist
• the one thing necessary
• this joyous day
  
• how to laugh

(These tidbits were all culled from our research.)

"Only two novels in the past 67 years have not been described somewhere on their dust jackets as 'compassionate,' and both of them were atlases." —M.J. Arlen, "How to Tell a Novel by Its Cover," LIFE (Aug. 21, 1964)

"'Always,' it bears repeating, 'it is the affliction of one human being that captures the imagination.'"
—George Douglas Atkins, Tracing the Essay

 

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

A BLAZE OF GLORY by John Strange Winter

In a little room, somewhat shabby and rather meanly furnished, a young girl stood looking round on its well-worn and tediously familiar features with great solemn eyes filled with utter distaste and dissatisfaction.  Suddenly, a shot rang out.

"Believe it or not, the undead can be very superstitious."
—Christine Feehan, Dark Slayer

"The simple answer is that some individuals have better judgment than others.”

—Frank Manchel, Film Study (1990)

We're delighted to illustrate a piece about Disneyland's history with our photo of a remnant of Nature's Wonderland.

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

The Spanish eñe has a stormy history.

"We are first and foremost trapped in the subjective world of the mind and can never exist beyond it as it is our only certainty."
—Maria Beville, Gothic-Postmodernism: Voicing the Terrors of Postmodernity (2009)

"This may surprise you, but corn starch raises the blood glucose faster than ordinary sugar."
—Ragnar Hanas, Type 1 Diabetes in Children, Adolescents, and Young Adults (2007)

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

A LOST LIFE by Emily H. Moore

I am the Doctor's wife in the quiet town of Baywood.  Suddenly, a shot rings out.

"I hate everything that does not relate to literature, conversations bore me (even when they relate to literature), to visit people bores me, the joys and sorrows of my relatives bore me to my soul.  Conversation takes the importance, the seriousness, the truth out of everything I think."
—Franz Kafka, from his diary, 1918 (quoted in Metaphor and Memory by Cynthia Ozick)

Speaking of Kafka, have we told you that New Star Books is publishing a book we illustrated entitled Kafka Franzlations: A Guide to the Imaginary Parables?

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

Creole classification: pidginholing

"Believe it or not, it's all in how you think about it."
—David Allen, Making It All Work

 

Imagine a game of "What's My Line," in which either a cherub or an imp whispers into a blindfolded panelist's ear.

Are the whispered words pictured on the right of an angelic or a diabolical nature?

Answer: Diabolical. "Within me my rebellious demon whispered, 'Now is the time! Break through into the superluminous, hey?'” —Paul Goodman, The Empire City, 2001, p. 471. (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)

Prof. Oddfellow reads some penetrating literature: Jonathan Safran Foer's Tree of Codes.

From her lips ampersands and percent signs
Exit like kisses.
—Sylvia Plath, "An Appearance"

Here's a photo of an ampersand kiss.

"We are both deaf and blind, and surrounded by mysteries we don't recognize."
—Geof Huth

"My answer is simple.  Because we need culture, and we have anarchy.”

—Samuel Lipman, Culture and Anarchy (1994)

It all comes down to:

• what works best for you
• your incredible insecurity
• the individuals involved
• coaching
• a failure to execute
• money management
• a simple choice
• being a coward
• how much weight a name will carry
• behavior
• emotional chemistry
• how you spin it
• hitting a key on the computer
• forming a word
• freedom and choice
• rhythms
• what you know and what you don't
• using your brain
• trusting your gut
• this election
• desire
• dedication
• finding your market
• higher aspirations
• memory
• negotiation
• safety
• character
• what you're throwing out
  
• blood
• human beings
• one girl
• attitude
• priorities
• accepting responsibility
• which way you pass the butter
• greed
• trust
• control
  
• whether you want your life to be full of accomplishments and triumphs, laughter and good times, or anger and frustration, bitterness and disappointments

(These tidbits were all culled from our research.)

"Okay, this isn't rocket science, I told myself, it's just pizza!" —D.A. Koelbransen, My Li'l Paradise: Built to Last (2010)

On a related note, here's the world's only compendium of things that are not, in fact, rocket science.

"You can call it a hunch or a gut feeling but either way something is not quite right with this picture and it is annoying the hell out of me." —Rebecca Hackney (Love Blooms in a Blizzard), surely not referring to the perfectly perfect picture that is Young Frankenstein.


A still from the perennially hilarious Young Frankenstein.

"This may surprise you, but as many as 4% of all applicants to top colleges never complete their application."
—Andrew Allen, College Admissions Trade Secrets (2001)

"We've all heard it a hundred times, but it bears repeating: Don't turn your back on the ocean."
—Fodor's Hawaii

"On the map missing data stare out as a blank, often risking giving a misleading impression."
—John Langton & Robert John Morris, Atlas of industrializing Britain 1780-1914

"Hands-on testing reveals the surprising truth. Many people take only average precautions against life's numerous hazards."
—PC (1984)

"It's a fine line between standing along the shore like an idiot with a stick in your hands and going fishing."
—Ethan Wolff, Frommer's NYC Free & Dirt Cheap

Which word is funnier: turpentine or spatula?

Clue: The answer is also funnier than yogurt and llama.

Answer: turpentine. (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)

Citation: Alan Madison, 100 Days and 99 Nights (2008)

"There are many more enigmas in the shadow of a man who walks in the sun than in all the religions of the past, present, and future."—Giorgio de Chirico, Hebdomeros (and other writings)

(via our co-blog at Anima Tarot)

 

Imagine a game of "What's My Line," in which either a cherub or an imp whispers into a blindfolded panelist's ear.

Are the whispered words pictured on the right of an angelic or a diabolical nature?

Answer: Diabolical. "While thus forsaken by all human help, all human pity, a tempting demon whispered that it would be better for her to return to her former way of life." —Anna Jameson, Legends of the Monastic Orders, 1852, p. 329. (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)

From our former outpost at Twitter:

Nonsense phrases were often used by troubadours in Renaissance song lyrics as substitutes for words considered risqué.

"Believe it or not, your joyful reinvention will begin by doing what's necessary."
—Steve Chandler, 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself

In this quotation about dual allegiances, the ampersand is likened to a geometrical diagram for squaring a circle:


Indeed, we see similarities between Archimedes' solution to circling the square and the design of an ampersand.

Thanks to AnitaAnswers for discussing our Follow Your Bliss tool in a thoughtful manner:

"The answer is simple: a lot — probably far more than most women are comfortable with!”

—Andrew S. Trees, Decoding Love (1999)

Wikipedia's listing of the traditional footnote symbols is itself footnoted with a numeral.

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

"Because I Could Not Stop for Death" by Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
And then a shot rang out

(Thanks, June!)

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook: