Live sumptuously.  From Moving Picture World, 1920.  See How to Believe in Your Elf.

"Too busy to see you today!"  From The Film Daily, 1933.

S for the ear, H for the sideburns, O for the eye or monocle, T for the eyebrows and nose, and S for the hat brim to chin.  From The Film Daily, 1935.

From The Film Daily, 1933.

From Brigham Young Universe, 1949.

From The Film Daily, 1926.

From The Film Daily, 1933.

The closest we've so far come to finding the hidden gold in our hair was that time we met a real-life pirate.  From Photoplay, 1932.

Our wizardly friend Gordon once had eleven fingers in a nightmare.  When he woke up and starting counting to reassure himself, his studies in arcane arithmetic came back to haunt him, as the math kept coming to "eleven."  When we encountered the strange hand in this ad from the University of the South's 1971 yearbook, we wondered how Gordon would fill in the circle over the thumb.

We're not a day over sometimes 40/sometimes 25.  From Photoplay, 1932.

We presume this is a play on the famous New Yorker cartoon of 1928, in which a child won't eat her broccoli: "I say it's spinach and I say the hell with it."  In this case, the subject is toothpaste, not broccoli (the ad is for Pepsodent).  While we like the hallucinatory scenario (is one brushing one's teeth with spinach?  Has one been served toothpaste for dinner?), the famous zinger to the gag is, "the hell with it," so this comes across as some sort of anti-advertising, since the lingering message is, "The hell with Pepsodent."  From Photoplay, 1932.

From The Film Daily, 1946.

"Over the moon."  From The Film Daily, 1940.

Yeah, we've seen beds we really wanted, too.  "Don't be frightened, little man ... but give me that bed!"  From The Film Daily, 1938.

"How to stay in front of the 8-ball!"  From The Film Daily, 1940.

May you always croak at the right moment.  And yes, keep your hat on.  The text reads, "Never make love with a frog under your hat.  It croaks at the wrong moment."  From The Film Daily, 1938.

This ad gets funnier as it goes.  From The Campus Enquirer (University of Alberta), 1982.

We've hit new highs, too.  Please, someone, find a crowbar to pry us off the ceiling so we can get on with our day.  From The Film Daily, 1938.

It's an awful thing to have your LP collection stolen by a vindictive ex.  As And One sings in the final line of "Tonight," "Please bring back my CD-collection of Depeche Mode."  From The Film Daily, 1946.

We, too, often find theatrical seating to be uncomfortable.  From The Film Daily, 1934.