You already know that French poets are all orchardists; yeah, in France the pommes grow on trees.

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Gary Barwin notes: "The pun doesn’t fall very far from the tree in this one. Or the pomme.  And gives new meaning to poemtaster."

In certain "New Age" cities, like Asheville, NC and Sedona, AZ, every time you hail a cab, your palm gets read.  Freedom activists (proponents of so-called "Sibyl Liberties") are fighting for the public's right to private destiny.

Eerily related: Crossroads Chiromancy: The Secrets of the Glowing Red Hands.

I understand that Dudley Moore wasn’t sure about Bo Derek, but all of the other women who auditioned were untenable.

Why did the confectioners go to France?

To celebrate pastille day.

(Thanks, Mike!)

On a visit to California, we passed by a “University Vineyard,” triggering this joke:

Did you hear about the troubles at Wine College?  Yeah, they lost their faculties.

What do you call a person who tells you to "keep your hat on"?  A chaperone.

Upon encountering an old poem ("The Haunted Room" by Emma Marie Caillard, in The Lost Life, and Other Poems, 1889), we thought of this trivia question: What is the haunted mansion within Disneyland's Haunted Mansion, and how many chambers does it have?  The answer is the old attic bride's heart, with four chambers.  In the poem, the heart is not consumed by sorrow but remains unchanged and loving (explaining the Mansion bride's intact organ), home to and haunted by the ghosts of friends who have passed away.

Q: What do you say to two witches making out in public?

A: Get a broom!

Q: What do you call a Brit who exploits urban slang?

A: "'Innit' for the money."

[Here's a brief article on the use of "innit" as a tag question.]

Courtesy of literary scalawag Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:

"But are you sure the magician vanished in a cloud of smoke?"

"Yes, we have POOF! positive."

Separated at birth: Spammish Constructs and Spanish Constructs.

	Spammish Constructs	Spanish Constructs
distinguished by an aggressive and repeated nature and by deprivation of the right of option	x	x
paternalistic	x	x
fragilely gendered	x	x
activistic	x	x
condescending	x	x
announces one "official" interpretation	x	x
decadent	x	x
fragmentary	x	x
invalid reply address	x

[For Jonathan Caws-Elwitt, with further inspiration from Exemplary Ambivalence in Late Nineteenth-century Spanish America by Elizabeth L. Austin]

Forgive the obviousness, but the world's largest air traffiic controller is in Rio.  (The date of our proof is uncertain.)

A real estate idea:

Sherlock Homes: the solution for your old dark house.

If you prefer an auction, go to Christie's and ask for Agatha.

Our suggested tag line to introduce this recipe: "What would you give for ..."

Q: How is [the enumeration of breaths in] Shinto meditation like a gift?

A: It's the thought that counts.

You've heard of the pot calling the kettle black, but here's the port calling the ethyl bladdered.  The caption reads, "He is drunk—and so am I."  From A Frenchman in America by Max O'Rell and illustrated by E. W. Kemble, 1891.