CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, a “monk for the modern age” by George Parker, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
The phrase "what clowns drink" is a Googlewhack, but here's your answer. And this is what it looks like to be "off the [circus] wagon." From a 1908 ad in Jugend.
"To have a pudding to myself, / And live a single clown." From Judy, Or The London Serio-Comic Journal, 1883. This will also be of interest: The Collected Lost Meanings of Christmas.
Here's who is minding your P's while you're minding your Q's. From St. Nicholas magazine, 1900. And note that Mr. Punch graces one of those rare drop capitals sporting a quotation mark.
It's only funny if you can back it up with an act of foolishness, as we learn in Valparaiso High School's Vee Aich Ess yearbook, 1916. The text reads, "Now what foolish thing have you kids done to entitle you to membership [to the All Fool's Club]?" (For some unbelievably weird yearbook imagery, see our How to Hoodoo Hack a Yearbook.)