CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, a “monk for the modern age” by George Parker, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
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A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.
I Found a Penny Today, So Here’s a Thought

May 11, 2009 (permalink)


Enriqve Enriqvez turns every U into a V on his blog. Here's why: "Like the stvdent who devovrs covntless books on the tarot and still feels thirsty, the letter U has a blvnt edge.  No matter how mvch information it holds, it is never ready to povr that knowledge back into the world."
#letter u #letter v
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May 7, 2009 (permalink)

"Go on yearning for a bit longer.  You've no idea what bliss, what grandeur there is in yearning, in waiting.  So wait."  —Robert Walser, Jakob von Gunten
#waiting #limbo
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May 1, 2009 (permalink)

"I know it, somewhere here there are marvelous things." —Robert Walser, Jakob von Gunten
#marvelous
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April 30, 2009 (permalink)

"Cheesy" movies are not limited to Spaghetti Westerns.  Why not specify the type of cheese?  If the film simply stinks, it undoubtedly qualifies as a Limburger, Vieux Boulogne, or perhaps Gorgonzola.  If there are too many plot holes, call it Swiss Cheese.  If the film suffers from stiltedness, why not call it a Stilton?  Overly dry humor or wit suggests a Parmesan or Romano, while bland or insipid content might be called Buffalo Mozzarella.  A film made quickly and cheaply (even if glossily) recalls American Cheese, while overly mushy emotionality suggests Cottage Cheese.  And, of course, so-called "blue movies" would be Bleu Cheese.  Cheesy movies are often quite entertaining and good in their own way, in which case we might call them Gouda.

---

Jonathan Caws-Elwitt writes:

Jonathan likes this. [Facebook is messing with my discourse style.]
#cheese
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April 29, 2009 (permalink)


Impossible questions beg for ingeniously hilarious answers.
Today is the day to teach your brain to play!  We're pleased to announce the publication of our new puzzle book, Presumptive Conundrums: Rhetorical Math Questions (+ Answers).  It's been called our most surprising, thought-provoking, and laugh-inducing creation to date.  Take advantage of the introductory price at Amazon.com, or drop us an e-mail for a signed or review copy (our e-mail address is on this page).
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April 26, 2009 (permalink)


This coloring book contains 89 images of white things, printed on white paper. Is one to fill in these images with a white crayon? Or is one to let go of the crayon and practice the Taoist concept of wu-wei (actionless action)?
"Happiness writes white.  It does not show up on the page."
—Henry de Montherlant (1895-1972)  (via DJMisc)

Happiness also colors white.
#minimalism #coloring book #color white
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April 25, 2009 (permalink)

"Bare reality: what a crook it sometimes is."  —Robert Walser, Jakob von Gunten
#reality
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April 23, 2009 (permalink)

"To be of service to somebody whom one does not know, and who has nothing to do with one, that is charming, it gives one a glimpse into divine and misty paradises." —Robert Walser, Jakob von Gunten
#anonymous #paradise
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April 20, 2009 (permalink)

In the song ""Where Your Eyes Don't Go," They Might Be Giants mention a filthy scarecrow that mocks one's every move:

Where your eyes don't go a filthy scarecrow waves its broomstick arms
And does a parody of each unconscious thing you do
When you turn around to look it's gone behind you
On its face it's wearing your confused expression
Where your eyes don't go.

Imagine our surprise to find an explanation of this filthy scarecrow in the astonishing novel Mercurius by Patrick Harpur:

I am afraid of this fashionable dilution of soul [by modern science].  We can lose it but, no matter how devoutly we wish to, we cannot destroy it.  The soul always returns to us, call it what we will, in whatever image we choose to remake it.  Our sin is to think that we can remake the soul in our own image because, make no mistake, it will return to us in the nightmare scarecrow shape of that sin.  Stifle the soul and it returns as madness; cast it out and it comes back as terror.
#scarecrow
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April 17, 2009 (permalink)

"If a man could pass through Paradise in a dream, and have a flower presented to him as a pledge that his soul had really been there, and if he found that flower in his hand when he awoke—Ay! and what then?" —Coleridge, Anima Poetae, qtd. in John Livingston Lowes, The Road to Xanadu, 1927

Image from Magic Archetypes.
#dream #flower #coleridge
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April 15, 2009 (permalink)

"Only delight forgives what depravity has undertaken." —Robert Walser, Jakob von Gunten
#depravity #delight
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April 8, 2009 (permalink)

"Who hasn't been let down?  But don't think that it's a system or a culture or a state or a person that does the letting down.  It's our expectations that let us down.  It begins in the warmth of the womb and the discovery that it's cold outside.  But it's not the cold's fault that it's cold." —Anthony Burgess, Earthly Powers
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March 31, 2009 (permalink)

William Burroughs on the importance of [literally] letting go:

I saw a picture of a balloon suddenly and unexpectedly soaring and some people still holding onto the ropes connected to the balloon were suddenly jerked into the air and most of them didn't have the survival IQ to let go in time.  Seconds later they are sixty, a hundred feet off the ground.  Those who didn't let go fell off at five hundred or a thousand feet.  A basic survival lesson is: Learn to let go.  ... 

Suppose you were holding one of those ropes?  Would you have let go in time. which is, of course, at the first upward yank?  I'll tell you something interesting.  You would have a much better chance to let go in time now that you have read this paragraph than if you hadn't read it.  Writing, if anything, is a word of warning.

LET GO!
#letting go #burroughs
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March 30, 2009 (permalink)

A fine spring day brings out droves of people, so very like a plague of beetles.
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March 28, 2009 (permalink)

"If there's a problem, fill out complaint form and place it in an envelope addressed to the name of the hospital in which you were born." —Franz Kafka International, Prague's "most alienating airport"
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March 24, 2009 (permalink)

"The One God can wait.  The One God is TIME.  And in Time, any being that is spontaneous and alive will wither and die like an old joke.  And what makes an old joke old and dead?  Verbal repetition."
William Burroughs, The Western Lands
#time #god #burroughs
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March 20, 2009 (permalink)

We were gobsmacked by this astonishing review of our interactive adventure "100 Ways I Failed to Boil Water":

I found this at Craig Conley's site. I can see I'm going to have to allow myself some serious play time with this blog.

Conley is the type of genius I like--where there's room for charm to co-exist with the genius, and where part of the expression of that genius is charm.

Plus, his type of genius is always producing things, not talking about producing things or lamenting not producing things or explaining why it is not producing things.

I would negatively contrast him with the MENSA guy who poisoned his neighbor and her family who was featured on TRU TV's Forensic Files the other night. MENSA seems to exist only for creeps, boors and bores. Hey, I was invited to join MENSA AND the Triple Nine Society (the next decimal point over, which presumably gives the Society the right to piss on MENSA members) because I qualified after a superevil intelligence test they gave me when I was a (t)wee lad, and I had the good sense even then to realize patting oneself on the back is a waste of time. Besides, there are much better places to pat oneself if one must, indeed, pat.

When they told me how remarkable my intelligence score was, I knew one thing instantly....I was going to have a lot of brain cells to kill.

And I am proud to say, several decades later, that I have accomplished that goal.

See? Attainment over patting.

Okay, enough of a detour into Me-ville.

Many of the things Conley creates are fun and engaging and smart and poke reality in its stomach or give reality a "Hurt's Donut" on the back of its neck.

I'll share a lighter piece with you.

Here is "100 Ways I Failed to Boil Water" by Craig Conley and some other guy who is not Craig Conley.

I was trying to think who Craig reminds me of today, and I think I decided he's a bit Sal Mineo, a bit Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode, a bit Jon Cryer in the golden years and some other people who haven't yet emerged from the shadows where people are used to compose other people.

In other words, he's good people.

And he's also himself. Obviously. If you visit his blog, you'll see just how much he is himself. Trust me.

I am enjoying some dried papaya chunks right now and they are heavenly.

I like to talk about food.

Food is, like, epistemological. Almost. Lots of things are "epistemlogical...almost."

Gertrude Stein thought food was VERY epistemological in Tender Buttons.

Conley's blog also features a great series of visual puzzlers where a little "something something" is used to cipher out various celebrated literary moments in English and in other languages. BLOG search ABECEDARIAN (see my blogroll) for Basho's celebrated frog poem if you want to see what I'm talking about. These images take literary touchstones and force you to re-examine what's going in the representation by thinking about it visually. I can't explain more.

For once, I am at a loss for words. It's rare with this mouth, but it happens.

This is weird, because there's a Jungian synchronicity in my search terms today where somebody searched "death is not something." I think I'm remembering that correctly.

I remember that striking me as very French. But then there's Wittgenstein with his "The moment of death is not lived through." Which is just as funny, actually.

When is philosophy not funny, really?

I guess when it leads to death camps or things like the Soviet terror state under Josef Stalin.

Here. Enjoy a very funny confessional....

Failure has never been so amusing.

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March 16, 2009 (permalink)

"There is nothing more blinding that having seen the light, and nothing more tiresome than sharing it."
Anthony Marais, Delusionism
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March 9, 2009 (permalink)

"In California depth is measured in feet." —Anthony Marais, Delusionism
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March 2, 2009 (permalink)

"The point is this: not that myth refers us back to some original event which has been fancifully transcribed as it passed through the collective memory; but that it refers us forward to something that will happen, that must happen.  Myth will become reality, however skeptical we might be."
Julian Barnes, A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters
#myth
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