The Origami Swami showed me how to unfold my mind.

We misread this headline:

Marine Prepares to Sue Murtha Over Smear

as

Marine Prepares to Sue Martha Over Smear

and we thought, all Martha needed to do was go to a tag sale for some metallic paint, collect some birch twigs from her lower garden, and, incorporating a lace ribbon from grandma's keepsake chest, that smear would have been gone in no time!

How is a DJ like a mafioso?

They both have hit lists.  (Thanks, June!)
They both have records.
They both waltz right into clubs.  (Thanks, Mike!)

How do you allow a trouser manufacturer additional freedom?

You cut him some slack.

What did the ghost writer say to the boozy Hollywood legend who mistook him for the author of her autobiography?

"I haven't made your introduction."

The "Beehive" was a famous hairdo of the 1960s.  But in 1860, Lorenzo Langstroth patented a frame-style hive that became the standard for the world of bee keeping.

Who uses this staircase?

The staff.

The Golden Corral restaurant needs re-branding.  (Thanks, Mike!)

(But seriously!  Who finds it appetizing to be likened to cattle herded toward a trough?)

What next, the Silver Coop?  Would that be a maternity ward?  (If diners are like cattle, then mothers-to-be are like hens, no?)  Perhaps the Silver Coop would be a Chinese restaurant (referring to the Egg Drop Soup, you see.)

Headlines in the early edition aren't screaming—they're yawning.

(Inspired by Orhan Pamuk, who mentioned a newspaper whose ink was so fresh that the words were still sleepy.)

Do you belong to the woodworker's union?
No—a splinter group.

Is it time to adjust the rules of Chess to reflect a constitutional monarchy?

(Inspired by Orhan Pamuk.)

Area 51 is nestled between I-40 Business to the south and I-40 None of Your Business to the north.

(This joke was inspired by motorists Jonathan and Hilary Caws-Elwitt, who have been known to enjoy some reckless excitement along "None of Your Business 41."  Thanks also to the Area 51 tour guide for help with wording.)

Did you hear about the magazine editor who took on more than he could handle?

Now he has back issues.

From the notebooks of humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:

(Literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt’s plays, stories, essays, letters, parodies, wordplay, witticisms and miscellaneous tomfoolery can be found at Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0.  Here you’ll encounter frivolous, urbane writings about symbolic yams, pigs in bikinis, donut costumes, vacationing pikas, nonexistent movies, cross-continental peppermills, and other compelling subjects.)

The prodigal origamist eventually returned to the fold.

Today it takes balls to be a disco fan.

I learned about this destination in "Treble + Leisure Magazine."

The five thousand fingers of Thousand Armed Aval-oak-iteshvara sport one ring for every year of sheltering the suffering.

Fictional Movie Taglines:

Tears in Your Camel Milk: A dromedary dairy drama
(thanks, Mike!)

Camel Milk Journal: A dromedary dairy diary
(thanks, Jonathan!)