Boatswain: "What did you think of Cap'n Ahab's account of his quest for the Great White Whale?"  
Swabbie: "I'd've followed it better had he told it in chromonautical* order."

*Thanks to Codename Gimmick for coining this word and inspiring the pun.

The clever baker was noted for his breadth of vision.

Museum goer studying map with docent: "I've been through Impressionism, Expressionism, Deco, Nouveau, Bauhaus, Rococo, Byzantine, Renaissance, Cubism, Gothic, Minimalism, Greek, and Neo-Plasticism.  But where do you house the Timeless art?"

Partygoer: What do you do?

Magician: I'm a struggling escape artist.

My friend Ken coined a word while discussing the frantic pace of his office: hectnicity.  Here's the pun it inspired:

hectnicity: the heritage of one's rat race

Estate planning puns:

• Henry Ford had four wills.

• Vincent van Gogh had one heir.

From Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:

"Did you hear that Puffs' claim to be softer than Kleenex turned out to be a tissue of lies?"

And from the Abecedarian archives:

This is what David, a photographer and visionary thinker, saw when he reached for the last tissue in the box. He calls it "Georgia O’Kleenex."

Some publishers are marketing condensed books for busy executives.  So how's this for a title: ASAP's Fables!

Jonathan commented:

What's the difference between collage artists and stamp collectors? Not a lick!

The other day someone laughed when I nonchalantly described a miniature trellis as being ten clipboards high.  I responded that, as a writer, it's only natural for me to define space in 8 1/2 x 11 inch units (though to use longer units would certainly be legal)!

Q: Magicians famously work with doves and rabbits, but which animal invariably gets blamed whenever something goes wrong?

A: The escape-goat.

By the way, never put a goat in charge of the lights.

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

The philosophy department at my university was so small it didn't have a chair.  Of course, the department did have the Platonic ideal of a chair.

By the way, here's a picture of someone sitting on one of Plato's chairs.  This blue chenille chair came up in my search for Plato's chair, but I doubt its authenticity.

Hard science: diamond fabrication

Soft science: measuring zero decibel sounds

Soggy science: the study of deep sea sponges

Slippery science: Teflon

Q: What kind of calligraphy is so beautiful that it makes people swear in amazement?

A: Cursive.

Is regression therapy a form of reverse psychology?

Did you hear that Hollywood is doing another one of those movie mashups, like Alien vs. Predator?  This time they're sending Indiana Jones into Flatland.  Indy's going to be in search of "the arc of the covalent."

Why can't you compare cobblers to sherbets?

They're apples and oranges!

What's the quickest way to become a minister?  Vocation Bible school.