The emotional magician wore his heart on his sleeve.  No one suspected he had a heart up his sleeve, too.

Ironically, the best way to dance your way out of a support group is the two-step.

Though prima facie the opposite of highbrow, lowbrow is actually a corruption of Lord Loughborough (Alexander Wedderburn, 1st Earl of Rosslyn), notorious for being so dull that he caused dullness in others.

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And I thought the word "lowbrow" derived from the name of a beer!

We popularly say that ASAP is an acronym meaning "as soon as possible."  But ASAP comes to us from the Greek storyteller ÆSAP, whose brief fables can be read on the quick.

The professor abandoned teaching by degrees.

The eleventh hour leaves me at sixes and sevens (unless I'm dressed to the nines).

Atheists who celebrate only bar and bat mitzvahs: Jews in a formal life.

When Joseph Merrick visited, no one mentioned the Elephantiasis in the room.

[We apologize profusely for the bad taste of that joke.  By the way, as of today, Google points to the Mr Malark blog as the only other reference to the phrase "Elephantiasis in the room."]

Q: What do you call someone who attends fashionable society parties via an agency?

A: A debutemp.

Did you know that every one of Shakespeare's first drafts included five crude acts?

From humorist, playwright, neologist, palindromist, parodist, and wit Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:

"My nonprofit had a brainstorming session about how to raise money, and all I got was this stupid T-shirt."

A swimming pool is a great place to get your graffiti wet.

Q: I have a father in Pennsylvania, a mother in Massachusetts, a doctor in Maryland, and a direct address in Ohio.  I find a warm welcome in Hawaii and self-gratification in Idaho, though I left my jelly in Kentucky.  What's my condition?

A: A highly abbreviated state.  (PA, MA, MD, OH, HI, ID, KY.)

Silicon Valley's Mercury News ran this headline:

San Jose police arrest two men in death

So, if you're at death's door, don't break and enter!

Prof. Oddfellow took the "Which artificial sweetener are you?" quiz and discovered he's "Stevia: a safe alternative to sugar!"

An atheist at the end of an impromptu dinner table prayer: "Ahem."

Get a mime talking and he'll bend your ear till you're white in the face.

Overheard at an emergency budget meeting of a pagan family: "We're all going to have to make some sacrifices."