CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, a “monk for the modern age” by George Parker, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
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A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.

June 12, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

***
[I interpret this ostensible book recommendation as a backhanded compliment!]
It might well lie on the other side of the guest-bedroom lamp.

***
"[George S. Kaufman] sat with his own legs knotted around the legs of his chair in the manner of a four-in-hand cravat." [Woollcott]

***
"[One of the Dodge Sisters may be] the only woman on any stage who can whistle baby talk." [Brackett]
***
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June 9, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

***
It is a triumph of the gulp school of affected simplicity. [Brackett]

***
Miss Bentley has put into her pot all the ingredients of a moving story, but there is no fire under the pot.
***

Notes on some of the attachments:
1. I included the "pastimes" item for the moostache-shaped lampshade and the shmoolike ornament who seems to be "playing along."
2. I looked into this business of ping-pong at the Little Carnegie theater. I get the impression it was in a separate room, but I like the suggestion here that it was directly competing with the movie being shown.
3. Shaw and Lee can be found online; but, unlike Fuzzy Knight, they did not (imho) live up to the promise. Best moment I found was when, in a routine where they trade off delivering oneliners, they both start delivering the same joke at once, in unison (then look at each other in surprise, and simultaneously stop talking).
4. The "West" items are Rebecca West (aka Lynx) being filtered through an Alexander Woollcott piece that quotes her extensively--hence the peculiar framing.
5. You'll see that I pasted in E. B. White's remark about his funny illustration hopefully being on "this" page--because, technically, it wasn't (only because the end of the article, where the remark occurred, ran over onto the next page).
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June 7, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Enter Sir John, by Dane and Simpson:

Bonus: stage name Doucebell Dearing

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June 5, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Life, Oct.-Dec. 1929:

Re. the Zilchs: I note that this is at least the second occurrence of Zilch as a surname in Life 1929.

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June 2, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Life, July-Sept 1929:

***
a singer whose act "gilds the Beatrice Lillie" [McIntyre]

***
Sidney Toler...is the ice man...and appropriately knocks the audience cold. [McIntyre]
***

Note: The Warwicks are still slick actors, and have come a long way from "theatrically heavy gestures"! (:v>













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May 29, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Life, Apr.-June 1929:

***
Buckaroo started out to paint a fascinating picture, but the brush slipped.

***
I'll wager a scalloped cookie with white icing...

***
Rupert Hughes was immortalizing her when Fitzgerald was in whatyoucallems.

***
William Haines, the most popular smart-Aleck of the screen

***
a London importation with a really-old-thing drawl

***
The pièce de résistance, skidding into my French and crawling right out again....
[O. O. McIntyre]

***

the bull fiddler was...slipping the kimono on his dog-house [i.e., as the orchestra packs up after a Broadway performance]
[O. O. McIntyre]

***
Suddenly...you realize the subtitles were only fooling.
***

[Bonus: "side-wheel whiskers": not many search results for that (and none with images handy, alas)]

Notes on a couple of the attachments:
1. I see that the Life subscription ad has made the nautical life saver a giant candy Life Saver. (Unless I'm mistaken, actual life buoys don't have the printed legend "LIFE SAVER" on them!)
2. Note that the picture of the globe with shaving cream confirms that the North and South Poles are indeed barber poles.
3. I didn't know the "lots of time on one's hands" trope went back this far.

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May 26, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Case with Nine Solutions, by J. J. Connington:

“One gentleman seems to have been modest, anyhow,” he pointed out. “No initials, even—just an asterisk on the line.”
He flipped the programmes over rapidly.
“Mr. Asterisk seems to be a favourite, doctor. He occurs pretty often at each dance.”
#asterisk
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May 24, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

megaphoneshlimieltail_lightstruant_whiskerswords:

***
Universal has hired a psychologist to tune films to popular public emotions. [Ostensibly true item in an "industry" news roundup.]
***

[Bonus: a nonexistent newspaper called the Morning Morning (Frank Sullivan)]
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May 22, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Strong Room, by R. A. J. Walling:

***
"I have no more idea than your pipe what the Affaire Moreau was."

***
"Ah!" said the gentleman with the beard, which he wagged with satisfaction.

***
"Julep is such a difficult name to call out without feeling bilious, isn't it?"
***
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May 19, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From the American Mercury, 1928-1929:

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May 17, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Bird in Hand, by John Drinkwater:

In case you can use a couple of Blankets...



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May 15, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Bookman, 1929:

***
"The kind of lunch that Wordsworth would have liked"....
"Yes, but that's why one doesn't like Wordsworth."
[Rebecca West]
***

Notes on a couple of the attachments:

You will see that Vincent Starrett refers to catching only a snatch of an overheard conversation, without any context, as though it's a *bad* thing!

"Suspension points," as you probably know but I didn't, are ellipses.
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May 12, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Vanity Fair, 1928:

***
Fashions in zanies constantly change. [Gilbert Gabriel]

***
Five stories or allegories or charades, acting out ideas. [Corey Ford, from a book review]

***
To attempt to estimate his novel in these narrow limits would be merely impudent. Anyway, we haven't read it. [Ford]
***

[Bonus: mention of a real book called Fish Are Such Liars, by Roland Pertwee]

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May 10, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Fourth Wall, by A. A. Milne:

***
"Susan, darling, you look divine. Exactly like a what's-its-name.

[a little later]
"You look divine in that hat, darling. More like a what's-its-name than ever."
***
Bonus: "Mrs. Fluffy-face" (i.e., Mrs. Fulverton-Fane)

 

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May 8, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From the New Yorker, Oct.-Dec. 1928:

***
[For Grave Mood Rings insiders only (IYKYK). (:v>]
There I met an Hungarian countess.

***
We must have given [the book] away or lent it (which is the same thing).
***

Some notes on the attachments:

1. I had no idea clip-on book lights went back this far.

2. Okay, that ad for Hats by Cavanagh: Is it just me, or are there no hats? I get subtlety and snob appeal: but is it "vulgar" to show actual hats in one's hat shop? Even the underwear ads show actual underwear. It's not even as if the space depicted were some aspirational haunt of the elite, like a mansion or club--I mean, it says it's the shop!

3. Re. Lord Witherspoon: I saw no evidence that the mashup of aristo and Cockney speech was deliberate satire, rather than simple ignorance. Oops!
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May 5, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From the New Yorker, July-Sept. 1928:

 

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May 3, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Virgin Queene, by Harford Powel, Jr.:

***
Soon he would be sitting at their feet, munching etymological roots.

***
"He swore at my parrot." [This is a sort of callback to an earlier "He swore at my daughter."]
***

Bonus: the Nirvana Burial Abbey at Nutley, N.J.







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May 1, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From the New Yorker, Apr.-June 1928:

***
I am trembling like a what's-this leaf. [Parker]

***
Charles "Buddy" Rogers looked and acted the way you would expect a young man calling himself "Buddy" to behave.

***
That makes four sinners [in the film Three Sinners], but I guess the man who wrote the title was poor at addition.

***
They'll be off to their ticket brokers without more ado, or maybe just the least little bit more ado with half a lump of sugar. [Brackett]

***
She has piled Pelion on Who's-this. [Parker]
***

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April 28, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From the New Yorker, Jan.-Mar. 1928:

***
Who else can describe a red pillow shimmering like a blush through a coarse white linen case?

***
If I tried to tell you the plot my typewriter would collapse and the keys fall out.

***
Probably his book will be listed under the head of light verse. I don't know who weigh [sic] verse.... [Parker]
***

Notes on some of the attachments:
1. It isn't Nausicaa who's "nauseating," but a different character!
2. We have a cartoon about square boxes, a quip about a square sun, and an ad about square faces. What is going on?!

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April 26, 2026 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Life, Sept.-Dec. 1928:

***
Mr. Dempsey didn't act, and he stole the show--which was hardly worth stealing. [Benchley]
***

[Speaking of Benchley: when I first arrived at his Nov. 5 column, Bert Lahr's name jumped out at me and, before I'd read another word, I thought to myself, "Hey, Lahr and Benchley sort of look alike, actually." And you see what happened!]

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