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unearths some literary gems.
From Ring for Nancy: A Sheer Comedy*, by Ford Madox Hueffer**
[*aka The Panel: A Sheer Comedy][**aka Ford Madox Ford][This is a strange book. At its best moments, it's not unlike the Lucia/Mapp novels, but much of it is rather a sordid, and at times tedious, soap opera. The best scene (see link below) I recommend in full; and, speaking as a writer, I suspect that scene might have originated as a freestanding story or humor piece that got wedged in here.]***"Oh, my aunt!" [...] "Oh, my uncle!"[It turns out these oaths are at least partially allusive to an actual aunt and uncle.]***"No, I was born in Peckham," the manager answered,--"silly Peckham."[I'm not sure why Peckham is or was silly, but I'll take it. Fwiw, Wikipedia does note that "the late 19th century also saw the arrival of George Batty, a manufacturer of condiments."]***[Okay, now for the "big scene," which follows up a railway-station incident early in the book and relates to the attached Henry James business (thus raising a chicken-and-egg question regarding the inclusion of that, as well as this, in the book to begin with). The link should take you to Part III, chap. IV:]https://archive.org/details/ringfornancyshee00fordrich/page/278/mode/1up?view=theater[Many snippets attached. Note: While I wouldn't put it past the showbiz folks, then or now, to turn the short story "Pigs Is Pigs" into a full-blown musical comedy, I find no evidence that this actually happened--so Ford is pulling our leg with that, and the songs can be filed under Nonexistent Songs from Nonexistent Musicals Based on Actual Literature.]
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unearths some literary gems.
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"Joshua Lowfitz and his Trumpeters are doing the Waltz of Jericho, and I understand their performance brings the house down."
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"This is my old friend Dr. Watney, and whatever you have to say may be said freely in his presence, as he is remarkably inattentive."
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We found his Lordship puttering in the garden, using an old wood-shafted putterer.
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"It can only refer to the C-stop of the giant organ at Albert Hall, since it is the only organ I am familiar with!"
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"Of course," he said languidly, and reached behind him for a Venusian.
[Nonexistent "exotic" cigarette types are a running joke in the oeuvre.]
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[Dr. Watney's hospitality, in the Bagel Street rooms]
Lord Epsworth...stared contemplatively towards the sideboard. I took his hint and poured myself a drink.
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He brusquely pushed aside a plate of curried favour.
[Btw, a constant diet of incongruous curry- and chutney-based dishes is another running joke]
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"Arrange for a four-in-hand while I send a message for the Inspector....No, no, Watney! Not a cravat! A carriage!"
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unearths some literary gems.
From Mr. Finchley Discovers his England, by Victor Canning:
[When the End Is Only the Beginning dept.: Thanks to a minor Kindle malfunction, I began reading what I thought was the beginning of this book, whereas it was actually the epilogue. It was obviously a post-adventure wrap-up, so until I discovered the error, I thought the main narrative was going to be a flashback. And, since I ended up reading only about half the book (the first half, having rectified the problem), it turned out my sneak peek at the ending was my only encounter with the denouement.]***He tiptoed through the tulips into his trousers.***In the pass, the hills made him feel small and they seemed to be annoyed with him. If he climbed their flanks and found the top they might become his friends.***Something in the way the reversed S in the cottage tea-sign leaned back in a homely fashion to tickle the A, hinted that the cottage was the better place for him.***"Much as I should like to prolong our conversation--or rather your monologue on the philosophy of laziness--I do not want to stop here all day."***
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unearths some literary gems.
From Banner Deadlines, by Joseph Commings:
***He had a voice like a French flute.[I liked the sound of this, but I didn't know what a French flute was. Looking it up, I read that a French (open-hole) flute doesn't sound inherently different from a non-French flute--except in a de facto way, insofar as French flutes tend to be higher-quality flutes.]***Professor Maybrick, the phony spiritualist...was finally caught with his ectoplasm down.[later]"Someone took off his clothes in here," said Konstanz."For what reason? To walk around in these drafts in his ectoplasm?"***She was knitting an afghan and she was so quiet you could hear a stitch drop.***"Duck pin bowling is beyond me."***"The architect has designs on me."***"Yesterday she lured me into her apartment...Too late I realized I'd stepped into a nest of cobras.""She had you meet her relatives?" said Banner, highly amused."No, I mean real cobras."***"I've always wanted to meet you, Senor.""Where'd you hear of me before?" asked Banner suspiciously."This is the first time."***"What the mischief became of Hazzard?"[Ha! "What the mischief" was new to me. But not an original, as "What the mischief are you doing?" has various Google results.]***It reported the murder on X Street with as much passion as there is in a recipe for an upside-down cake.[Upside-down cakes are funny, of course. Which is funnier: Upside-down cake or Baked Alaska?]***"I'm not hanging around to pose for animal crackers."***Bonuses:"uneaten canoes of orange" (i.e., unpeeled orange wedges)"a walking gingersnap""wraprascal" (I'd never heard of this name for a kind of overcoat)Mr. Kermit Gosling[Special bonus: One of the stories in this collection is called "Stairway to Nowhere." Nice to see that the author arrived early (decades ago) to play along with the "doors to nowhere" theme.]
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