CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, a “monk for the modern age” by George Parker, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is
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A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.

On One Condition

May 31, 2011 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"You sit on the other side of the booth." —Teresa Southwick, Taming the Montana Millionaire
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May 18, 2011 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"to keep it a small."  —Jenny Ripatti, When Love & Culture Collide
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May 1, 2011 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"You reveal the secret of the box." —Ronald Gowrie, Anamorphous
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September 26, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"You must promise me a favour in return." —C. N. Williamson, "The Adventure of Monica," 1905
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July 21, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"Dinner and drinks on me." —Kathy Reichs, Grave Secrets, 2002
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June 24, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"I'll do all the cooking." —Bill Berkowitz, Local Heroes, 1990
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May 5, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"that there are no pre-conditions." —Golda Meir, International Documents on Palestine, 1974
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April 1, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"you must swear that you will never more play for money." —"On Chess," The Saturday Magazine, 1841
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March 26, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"I just want you to say you love me." —Neil Simon, Laughter on the 23rd Floor
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March 2, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on condition that:

"you tell me all about it." —R. H. Stoddard, "The Little Monk," 1864
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February 10, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"That you tell no one of my dereliction." —John C. Wright, Fugitives of Chaos, 2007
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January 20, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"that you all kneel down." —E. E. Cleal, "Influence," 1920
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January 13, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"You have to start from scratch." —Wong Kiew Kit, The Art of Shaolin Kung Fu, 2002
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January 6, 2010 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"that we do not go to pieces internally." —Learned Hand, The Spirit of Liberty, 1959

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December 31, 2009 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"you must tell no one." —John Ortberg, If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat, 2001
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December 25, 2009 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"that you will learn chemistry." —Annual Report of the Board of Regents of the Smithsonian Institution, 1863
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December 13, 2009 (permalink)

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"You are to keep your mother's wood-box full all winter long, and do it yourself." —Louisa May Alcott, Little Men


Thinks: Oh, joy, a loophole! It was not specified that I must fill the wood-box with wood. This will do nicely for my back issues of Punchinello.
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Original Content Copyright © 2020 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.