"'If all the dew were diamonds,' Pablo said, 'we would be very rich.  We would be drunk all our lives.'"
—John Steinbeck, Tortilla Flat, 1935.  (via DJMisc)

Which quotation is accurate?
A: "Clownfish are funnier than any other type of fish.”
B: "Clownfish are no funnier than any other type of fish.”

Clue:  This is according to a Disney Finding Nemo book

Answer:  B.  "Strictly speaking, clownfish are no funnier than any other type of fish. But it never hurts to have a few good jokes on hand.” —Don't Invite a Shark to Dinner and Other Lessons from the Sea (2003), p. 71  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  Rod A. Martin, The Psychology of Humor (2007), p. 246.

 

From the inimitable Tom Weller, author of the classic Science Made Stupid, comes this "minim" (the perfect answer to the maxim):

 

The erotica author didn't write under an alter-ego but rather an alter-id.

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

"There ought to be a book which gives an account of God as involved in human experience, privately and publicly, without any religious import or even overtones."
—Paul Weiss, Philosophy in Process, 1955, p. 76.

Thanks to the Daily Unicorn for this review of our field guide:

The Daily Unicorn followed up with us:

Haha, glad to see you noticed; the guide is easily one of the most entertaining things I've ever read, and the tone is perfect for the kind of blog I run. Keep up the good work.

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

Which flowers are funnier: chrysanthemums or petunias?

Clue:  This is according to a science fiction author.

Answer:  Petunias.  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  Glenn Yeffeth, The Anthology at the End of the Universe (2005), p. 109

I used to be color- blind / But I met you and now I find / There’s green in the grass / There’s gold in the moon / There’s blue in the skies

—Irving Berlin, “I Used to Be Color Blind”, 1938.

 

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

A reviewer from Sydney, Australia says this of our book on ampersands:

If you are interested in the history of the ampersand and other interesting trivia about it, this is definitely the book to get.

 

 

I dreamed I played a suspended game of dominoes.

Which is funnier: underpants or underwear?

Clue:  This is according to someone dissatisfied with his job at a marketing company.

Answer:  Underpants.  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  John Kowalik, “Being John Kowalik,” JohnKowalik.com (April 25, 2007)

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

"There should be a Book of Waiters, as there was a Book of Doctors and a Book of Lawyers."
—Edward Verrall Lucas, Adventures and Enthusiasms, 1920, p. 159.

Diverting Attention from Bad News to Good

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

 

 

True or False: Bar charts are 30% funnier than pie charts.

Clue:  This is according to a guide to drawing comics

Answer:  True.  “In fact, pie charts are barely amusing at all.”  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  Suck School of Comic Art, Suck.com, (Nov. 7, 1997)

A long exposure shot of the twilit Blue Bayou at Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean captured some glyphs created by the erratic movement of animatronic fireflies. (See lower right of photo.)



We made vector clipart of the (un)natural squiggles (click to download EPS):

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

This puzzle was inspired by the Silly Pillows song "Cross Purposes."  For the answer, see the lyrics.

Yes, you may . . . on one condition:

"That you tell no one of my dereliction." —John C. Wright, Fugitives of Chaos, 2007

"He wondered briefly if the waiting was getting to the Medusa like it was to him, and then knew it wouldn't be."
—Marvin Albert, The Medusa Complex, 1983

 

This puzzle grid contains several big words. Can you find them?

• 7-letter words: 14
• 8-letter words: 6
• 9-letter words: 1

All letters in the word must touch (in any direction), and no square may be reused.

Click to display solutions

"There should be a book titled 'How News Is Made,' a book that could be for journalism what 'The Jungle' was to the meatpacking industry."
—Dale Dougherty, "How News is Made," boingboing.net, Nov 29, 2005.

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

Which New York City parade is funnier: Saint Patrick’s Day or Puerto Rican Day?

Clue:  This is according to comedian Jerry Seinfeld

Answer:  Puerto Rican Day Parade  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  Jerry Seinfeld, “Inside Look,” Seinfeld Season 9 Box Set (2007)

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

"History's third dimension is always fiction."
—Hermann Hesse, The Glass Bead Game

 

I hope I never look like that person on the coin, because I think that's the look of selfishness. I'd rather have an altruistic look, especially when I'm old and hair is growing out of my ears. 

 

SONG: Love at the Five and Dime
ARTIST: Nanci Griffith

ORIGINAL LYRIC:

Dance a little closer to me, 'cause it's closing time
And love's on sale tonight at this five and dime

ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION:

Dance a little closer to me, on this squallored floor
'Cause love's on sale tonight at this Dollar Store

 

Which is funnier: goats or sheep?

Clue:  This is according to someone dissatisfied with his job at a marketing company.

Answer:  Goats.  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  John Kowalik, “Being John Kowalik,” JohnKowalik.com (April 25, 2007)

The artist Marti McGinnis took our Field Guide to Identifying Unicorns by Sound into the wild and shares how her adventure led into sculpted depths of Kentucky limestone:

In his book . . . writer and renowned unicorn researcher, Craig Conley describes places to search for these mythic creatures and ways to do so. This is a practical handbook that draws liberally from literature and other written sources to illustrate its points.   . . . Yesterday I set out to collect an experience of listening for unicorns accompanied by a willing, limber horsewoman and opti-mystic (one who believes in miracles). Our path took to a limb and leaf strewn, moss frosted hill down to a lively flow of water that has painstakingly and persistently carved the layers upon layers of hardened Kentucky limestone into hundreds, even thousands, of the most beautifully sculpted fairy landscaping vignettes the eye and mind can ever hope to behold.

Marti shares four gorgeous photos and one video of the fairy landscape.  The photos . . .

show a place located between the pasture I see every day when I look out the window over my kitchen sink and the rise just beyond. It may have been there since the day I moved here six years ago. Is it odd I just discovered it? Not really, I just started looking.

Unicorns live in places usually described as being so impossible to conceive of let alone view from one’s usual vantage they become not just invisible, but non-existent. In the field of equine advocacy right now there is a dichotomy of thought so rife with conflict, so infused with righteous and conflictual fervor it is hard to imagine any common ground.

That it does exist is without question to the Opti-Mystic. It is beautiful, stable and teaming with unicorns. Right now both sides claim that no such place does nor even can exist and for them in this moment this is quite true. But some of us are quite aware that just because they can’t see, feel, taste, hear or otherwise perceive this place conventionally right now doesn’t mean it isn’t there, and doesn’t likewise mean they are unable to do so ever. All it means is they haven’t ventured out beyond their typical boundaries to have a look or a listen.

We're particularly delighted by Marti's conclusion:

As I search for unicorns I find I am surrounded by leagues of the creatures. Sparkly, ice-white, speckled starry night apaloosaed. Minuscule and humongous. Breezy and cheesy. They nicker and whicker at me using windchimed breezes, and baby step agreements from yin yang parties always encouraging me to live in the land of positive outcome. As though it exists. And dang if it does after all. Without exception.

Read the entire illustrated adventure here.

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

"There ought to be a book to inform people about seashore life."
—Vladimir Nabokov, Nabokov's Butterflies: Unpublished and Uncollected Writings, 2000, p. 49.