I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought

I don't think I know what I think after thinking.  From What I Think After Thinking by Budd Reeve, 1898.

Yes, Google Maps blurred the face of this giant mascot, because giant mascots are entitled to privacy, too.

I think I've read this one.

Is it just me, or does this dedication page, in a book about an orphan, seem to gloat over the fact that the author is not herself an orphan?  From The House of the Red Fox by Miriam Byrne, 1907.

May you always croak at the right moment.  And yes, keep your hat on.  The text reads, "Never make love with a frog under your hat.  It croaks at the wrong moment."  From The Film Daily, 1938.

We've hit new highs, too.  Please, someone, find a crowbar to pry us off the ceiling so we can get on with our day.  From The Film Daily, 1938.

We encountered a charming wizard's song in "What If a Witch?" by Elaine McQueen (Ethos, 1964). 

I came from there

and now I'm here

and tomorrow I'll be

I don't know where ...

I'm a flunk at ghosts

I can't make toasts

and instead of boiling

my cauldron roasts ...

My name is ___,

a wizard by whim.

I spin magic marvels

when daytime grows dim ...

But you're all so friendly

I'll try to be good

and put all my magic

away in the wood.

"Your whole outlook on life changes—the whole structure is undermined because of one incident."  From UFO Newsclipping Service, 1988.

Aw, bless -- there are people who believe there's intelligent life on Earth.  From UFO Newsclipping Service, 1995.

Bad news -- "You can't get away with it!"  From The Film Daily, 1936.

The moon is actually …

• an egg that won't hatch for a long time.
• a big TV.
• older than the earth.
• not made of green cheese but rather mozzarella.
• a small planet.
• darker than the sky.
• a hollow alien spaceship.
• smaller than any star.
• a god.
• constructed of styrofoam.
• Hell.
• more strongly bound to the sun than to earth.
• silver.
• an oval.
• falling like a stone.
• a rather poor reflector.
• semi-transparent.
• orbiting within Lucifer’s atmospheric envelope.
• rather pleasant.
• anything but a boring place.
• making our day a little bit longer every thousand years.
• the place of departed spirits.
• a museum world.

Unusual to see a byline shared with elm trees.  Yet who better than hedge-row elms to know about the countryside?  And Mr. Woodward is aptly named, for whether we head woodward, hillockward, mountainward, rivuletward, or valleyward, we'll undoubtedly learn to enjoy the countryside.  From How to Enjoy the Countryside by Marcus Woodward, undated.

A flashlight, magnets, and a little luck -- those are our primary tools, too!  From UFO Newsclipping Service, 1993.

"Most doctors evolve the ills they process to cure."  From The Doctors, A Satire in Four Seizures by Elbert Hubbard, 1909.

"Our mistake is thinking that there are limits as to what can take place on this planet." —Dark Shadows

The stars tell us to Enjoy Every Sandwich.

This recalls the old (Bob Newhart?) line: "The last thing I want to do here is be condescending—that means 'to talk down to.'"  The article says, "Most everyone understands what UFO means—Unidentified Flying Object."  From UFO Newsclipping Service, 1989.

They don't write 'em like Dark Shadows anymore.  These three are all from episode 245: