Go Out in a Blaze of Glory |

 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
I let go a year or ten ago It's all a twilight zone I don't know where I will go The future's not my home —Eric Berglund, "Illuminata," White Magic
Prof. Oddfellow let go a year or ten ago.
|


 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
In collaboration with Martha Brockenbrough, Prof. Oddfellow presents the Perdition Slip in honor of DEVINE INTERVENTION, a novel about the world's worst guardian angel, published by Arthur A. Levine Books/Scholastic. For more information, visit marthabrockenbrough.com.
We had the honor of working with the ever-so-clever Martha Brockenbrough on a customizable get-out-of-hell permission slip. Martha explains: Do you pick your nose in your car? Have you ever forgotten to send your aunt a thank you card for the holiday sweater? Did you laugh when someone forwarded your frenemy's sexts to the whole school? Do you use the words "frenemy" and "sexts" without feeling a little bit cheap? Alas, there's is a good chance you are on your way to Hell. But we have good news. For a limited time (in the grand, eternal scheme of things), you are eligible for this Perdition Slip.* It's guaranteed to save your hide from the nine flaming rings of Hell. Simply fill it in, print it out, and pass it on to all your friends. And maybe even your frenemies. *Cash value 1/20th of a shekel. No refunds. Expiration date slightly after yours.
|

 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
As Funny as a Traffic Light(for Bernie DeKoven) Sometimes glee lights up in the unlikeliest, most mundane of places. I was waiting to cross an intersection, behind a couple of pedestrians. We waited and waited, yet the contrarian crosswalk signal kept playing a game of chicken with us. Law-abiding citizens, we remained standing at the curb, even though the traffic on either side was similarly frozen with red lights. The pedestrians in front of me pressed the crosswalk button repeatedly, to no avail. As the seconds marched on, we all began to feel silly just standing there. It was technically safe to cross, and we could feel deference to authority giving over to a craving for self-determination. As simple as their signals may be on the surface, traffic lights are so inscrutable. How intelligent and authoritative are they really? They might be hooked up to high-tech sensors and networks (some are, surely), but then again any one traffic light might be decades behind the times. We know that some traffic lights are so smart and witty that they have their own Twitter accounts. (A light on Michigan Avenue in Chicago tweets such wisecracks as, "I don't believe in false starts," "I hear your prayers, and I answer either 'yes' or 'wait,'" "They say we're all connected," "We have to stop meeting like this," and "From my vantage point, you've already involved the cops." No kidding: https://twitter.com/#!/ChiTrafficLight). We're left wondering if a non-responsive light is broken ("on the blink," as it were), or if we're being challenged by unknown forces to throw caution to the wind. As if of one mind, the pedestrians in front of me and I finally had enough of this Kafkaesque stalemate. We stepped forward and boldly crossed that street in defiance of the laws of man and God. And as our feet came down on that first step, the crosswalk signal glowed "WALK." And the pedestrians in front of me burst out laughing. They laughed, and they laughed, and they laughed as they completed their crossing. And still they laughed. "The light was red!" the man cackled. "Then it turned green!" the woman cackled back. When she'd finally caught her breath, the woman made a phone call to share what apparently had been the funniest experience of their lives. "We were standing there," she explained, "and then we started walking ... and the light changed!" But she couldn't explain further, as once again she was overcome with tearful hilarity. There's a Zen koan in there somewhere: "What's the humor of one light changing?" The pedestrians howled on, and their laughter was contagious. I walked on home, chuckling to myself, with a definite spring in my step. I'd crossed paths with folks who don't want to have fun but who embrace life's subtlest perversities with gusto.
|


 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
We appreciated this review of our latest project in the Winnipeg Free Press: Franzlations: the imaginary Kafka parables (New Star, 104 pages, $19), co-written by Gary Barwin, Craig Conley, and Hugh Thomas, imagines new parables in the style of those crafted by Franz Kafka. Often reworking Kafka's own prose poems, or incorporating biographical information (e.g., how Kafka is credited with inventing the safety helmet), these "Franzlations" attempt to imagine "The set of all possible Kafkas." Some pieces reward mainly those versed in Kafka's work. "What would make a crow into a Castle?" assumes the reader's knowledge of both his unfinished novel The Castle and his parable about how crows might destroy heaven. However, the book should still delight those unfamiliar with Kafka. Anyone can enjoy the comic beauty and bitter irony on offer in this exceptional, imaginative book: "Do not despair. There are red party balloons everywhere, especially in the future."
|

 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
From the Enduring Fascination with Last Words Department: Enrique Vila-Matas recalls that his mother had a lifelong habit of saying strange things, to the point that his grandmother often explained to visitors: "The child, you see, has lived in Paris." On her deathbed, his mother spoke a few last words that "due to their premeditated strangeness, sounded to me like an epitaph, though we didn't dare put them on her tombstone. 'I'll laugh at the bitter things I said,' she said. Her two brothers looked dismayed. 'It's because she lived in Paris,' I told them." (From Never Any End to Paris.) (For Greg at Futility Closet.)
|

 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
"The sky is an apocalyptic mix of rainclouds, sun, rainbow, snow ghosts and I have no idea what day what month what year it actually is." — Miekal And, author of Bystander: An Irreality
|

 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
"The placid stream of my existence must mingle with the great river of my kindred that flowed underground, as it were, until it gushed forth at my feet and now bears me away – – –" — Gustav Meyrink, The Angel of the West Window
|


 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
"At this moment, with all the Magic Arts thrashing at the outer door, she is etched with stars." —J. Karl Bogartte, " The Perfect Crime" (For Clint Marsh)
|

 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
Ah, the good-old-days, when waiting for the next slide in a slide show was fraught with momentousness. The caption reads, "Just at that moment the showman thrust [emphasis ours] a fresh slide into his lantern, and presented to them another scene even more startling than the first." Today's Flash slide shows aren't nearly so flashy, eh? How can a showman thrust [emphasis ours again, though all this thrusting is admittedly wearing us out] a JPG? We're reminded of beloved British comedian Stewart Lee, who recently asked his audience if anyone was old enough to remember when there were actually things, like letters written on paper or music recorded onto plastic discs. This item from Frank Leslie's Illustrated, 1891, will forever make us pine for the nearly unbearable drama of magic lantern slides every time we open a lousy JPG.
|

 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
We discovered this curious "ghost in a candle" trick in an issue of The Strand from 1895.
Here's the explanation of the trick candle, "invented by a man as a rather peculiar surprise for a friend. He made that friend a present of some coloured wax candles, one of which contained the affair shown. The receiver was very fond of having a few candles of the coloured kind placed about his drawing-room, in candelabra, and was intensely surprised one night when one of those which he had thankfully accepted from his friend exploded with a loud 'bang,' after having burnt down about half-way, and revealed to view a miniature ghost, with outstretched arms, which had issued from the remaining portion of the candle. To say that the man was puzzled by so extraordinary an apparition is to incompletely describe his feelings. I wonder how the reader would accept such a crisis. I know that I should have been very much astonished. Yet the effect was produced in an exceedingly simple manner, as can be understood by examining the drawings. The lower half of the candle really consisted of a thin cardboard case, containing a spring and a small 'ghost' with spring-arms, which would fly apart immediately upon being released from their bondage. A small portion of gunpowder, separated by a disc of paper from the head of the 'ghost,' completed the apparatus. The outside of the cylinder was waxed to appear as but the continuation of the candle. When the flame burnt to the powder it naturally caused it to explode, and simultaneously with the discharge the spring forced the little image upwards. This device would make an effective toy, I am inclined to think, as the cylinder could be used as often as required, by fixing a half-candle properly to the top of it and concealing the join."
|

 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
"Let's do so well that it can't possibly be explained by our talent or our training." —the cruelly canceled yet deliriously hilarious Strangers with Candy
|





 |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
At age 75, Katsuhika Hokusai timelined his artistic quest: "At the age of 73, I finally apprehended something of the true quality of birds, animals, insects, fishes, and of the vital nature of grasses and trees. Therefore at 80, I shall have made some progress, at 90 I shall have penetrated even further into the deeper meaning of things, at 100 I shall have become truly marvelous, and at 110, each dot, each line shall surely possess a life of its own." Vincent Van Gogh achieved Hokusai's dream at the age of 37. (Michael R. Zomber, Park Avenue, 2010)
|

Page 18 of 22

> Older Entries...

Original Content Copyright © 2026 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.
|