I Found a Penny Today, So Here’s a Thought |
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Shopping for shipwrecked furniture, we realized that if an item has "distressed" in its description, about one-thousand dollars are added to the price tag to somehow reflect the degradation. Similarly, used copies of our latest book, Franzlations, get more expensive as their quality deteriorates. For example, a copy in "very good" condition is going for $95 on Amazon.com, while a merely "acceptable" copy costs a whopping $500!
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Ponce’s Honor Lionized by Scholar
St. Augustine, Florida — An unlikely quest to vindicate Ponce de León’s integrity has led a lexicographer of magic words to demystify the Fountain of Youth.
Equipped with a portable camera obscura and a reference tome of alchemical symbols, scholar Craig Conley formally verified De León’s prediction that the spring of healing waters would not be guarded by "shapes of magic.”
"De León may have been a visionary,” Conley said, "but his head wasn’t stuck in the clouds.”
Conley, author of Magic Words: A Dictionary (Weiser Books), explained his use of the camera obscura, an antique photographic instrument.
"Often, magical symbols are only detectable from oblique angles. The camera obscura projects an upside down image inside its darkened chamber. It offers a way of studying something without directly looking at it, to examine from a fresh perspective, without preconceptions.”
Indeed, a popular preconception about De León’s motives is what inspired Conley’s own pursuit for vindication.
Just as facts can become muddied over time, folklore can devolve into "fakelore,” as oral historian Richard Dorson dubbed it.
Hence, De León’s quest for the Fountain of Youth is now popularly regarded as a childish pipe dream—a castle in Spain, if you will—even though evidence points toward a scientific initiative.
De León’s level-headedness is self-evident in a conversation with King Ferdinand, transcribed by Eugene Lee-Hamilton in 1891. De León explained that the Fountain of Youth is a miracle of nature, not of alchemy:
"No shapes of magic guard the potent spring; no circling dragons watch it night and day; no evil angels sit beside its brink, to mirror their dark wings within its waves. It hath nor spell nor supernatural essence, but is mere natural water,” rich in minerals and salts and filtered through highly potent medicinal mosses.
Ferdinand asked what then guarded the Fountain of Youth. In answer, De León described the wilds of Florida:
"The dreadful guard of Nature: inextricable forests and morasses, haunts of the panther and all clawed assassins, in whose pestiferous depths and clueless tangle no white man yet has ventured.”
Granted, De León didn’t become associated with healing waters until after his death. Yet popular legends possess an authenticity independent of cold fact.
For example, the "higher truths” in accounts of Washington’s honesty, Lincoln’s humility, and De León’s derring-do are crucial to American civilization.
Conley affirms that the integrity of folklore calls for preservation, maintenance, and protection.
A scholar of esoterica would seem an unlikely champion of De León’s scientific approach. Conley explains, "Old-school skeptics are open-minded. I came to the Fountain of Youth unsure of whether or not I’d find magical symbols. Frankly, had I found them, it would have been an exciting chapter in the living history of the spring.
"However, I must admit that I’m delighted to vindicate Ponce de León.”
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You can feel the pulse in the slipping away — Geof Huth
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The Toronto Standard on our latest book, Franzlations: Gary Barwin, Hugh Thomas and Craig Conley use their source material only as a starting point, reworking Kafka’s writings into "imaginary parables” and invented aphorisms. The man himself would appreciate their explanation: "Sometimes this means keeping the cage and replacing the bird.”
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There's only one rule:• there are no rules (if you're stretching your imagination) — David Goss, The Science of Living Better Forever • step on a crack , break your mother's back (if you're playing a sidewalk game) • have the teapot in front of you at all times (if you're crocheting tea cosies) — Loani Prior, Really Wild Tea Cosies• no deep-fried foods (if you're throwing a party and watching your cholesterol) — Mary Mihaly, The Complete Guide to Lowering Your Cholesterol• there's no being tired (if you're touring Paris) — Penelope Rowlands, Paris Was Ours • say "Thank you" (if you're receiving a compliment) — Thriving in the Workplace All-in-One For Dummies• the teddy bear stays in the house (if you're a dog in training) — Heavenly Humor for the Dog Lover's Soul • never, ever let a boy touch you there unless he's your husband — Gillian Flynn, Dark Places • wear whatever is most comfortable (if you're hiking with a dog) — Dan Nelson, Best Hikes with Dogs Western Washington• never miss paying your round (if you're drinking with friends) — Jack Kahane, Memoirs of a Booklegger • there must be at least one [item] on the list that is impossible (if you're setting goals) — David Taylor, The Naked Millionaire• anything goes, as long as you keep at least two tires on the pavement (if you're driving an automobile) — Glenn Beck, The Overton Window • conquer at any price (if you're on the battlefield) — Luis M. Rocha, The Holy Bullet • yes means yes and no means no (in the sexual marketplace) — Glenn T. Stanton, Secure Daughters, Confident Sons• never get involved with a student (if you're a good teacher) — Hank Brooks, The Inlet • if you represent the wife, get as much as possible; if you represent the husband, give away as little as possible (in divorce settlement) — Howard K. Irving, Children Come First • form, structure and content should not be separate (in synaesthetic cinema) —Simon Rycroft, Swinging City • don't eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (if you're in the Garden of Eden) • you need one equation for every unknown (in algebra) — Norman S. Pratt, Pearls for the Moment• don't hit the ducks (in a joke about a golf course in heaven) — Stephen Motway, Jokes, Quotes, and Other Assorted Things• the fewer attachments and aversions you have to the goal, the quicker it will manifest (if you're a non-dualistic self-inquirer) — Aleksander Kupisz, Holistic Creation and Focus Zone Chi Gong • no touching of the net (if you're a volley ball player) — Joseph A Bulko, Wall of Illusion, Book 3 • you clean up after yourself down there (if you're in the kitchen) — Jennifer Taylor Wojcik, From Day One • learn to listen (if you're training to be a good communicator) — John Mason, Believe You Can
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Courtesy of literary rapscallion Jonathan Caws-Elwitt: If hiding in plain sight is a time-honored effective strategy, hiding in plain sight in bright colors can only be that much more effective.
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Ask any person to tell you what missing teeth are — "real," everyday missing teeth, not the abstract extractions of theoretical dentistry — and he will likely elaborate upon abscessed absences, silver-filled nonentities, cavitied nothingnesses, fairy chattel. How can it be that a baby's toothless smile is contagious? Can a toothless smiler be preoccupied? [Apologies to philosopher Roberto Casati.] Dedicated to Gary Barwin.
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