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Saint Futilis
Patron of Quiet Desperation.
Best known for his "Litany of a Thousand Muted Cries for Help,"
Saint Futilis' sermons were famously punctuated by angry
silences. Futilis eventually founded a monastery, "The
Brothers of Unspeakable Loneliness" (a.k.a. "Nothing Really Martyrs"),
where the daily rounds of prayer were known as "Counting the
Minutes." Overcome with feelings of meaninglessness after
Futilis' death, the monks never mustered the wherewithal to disband,
though the Church officially renounced them after misinterpreting
a manifesto entitled "Our Resignation."
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