From Hanging Around Until, by David Hadley:

***

‘Not that way.’ I pointed in the opposite direction. ‘That way.’

‘Why the fuck didn't you say so?’

‘You seemed so happy going that way. We didn't want to disturb you,’ I replied pleasantly. ‘Besides, it's a much nicer walk that way. Don't you think so, Guy?’

‘Oh yes, very nice. I think you get a much better view of the... er... the road... pavement... houses that way.’

‘In fact, if I ever feel the need to go in the exact opposite direction to the one I originally intended, that would be, in fact, the way I would most definitely go.’ I said.

***

I have a vivid recollection of that look on Guy's face. A frown so tight, it seemed as though he was trying to push his eyes around to look inside his brain to find the elusive memory.

***

‘I always mean what I say,’ I said. ‘Even if I can't always say exactly what I mean.’

***

I picked listlessly at the knee of my jeans. My knee poked like a bald head out of the hole; strands of wispy denim material flapped uselessly from the tear. I arranged the strands like a man covering up his bald patch with his remaining hair.

***

‘All right, I'm going. Thanks for the complete lack of help.’

‘Any time,’ Ron said. ‘Whenever you've got a problem, don't hesitate to not come to me.’

***

‘Sometimes it all feels so absurd though,’ I said. ‘I'm too old for teenage angst and too young for a mid-life crisis.’