From Conjurer's Coffin, by Guy Cullingford:

[Who is or was Guy Cullingford? Well, here's what the "about the author" blurb has to say: "The author of this book prefers to do a conjuring trick and remain invisible, and so gives us no autobiographical details or photograph with which we could shatter the illusion."]

***

[The Joke Only Works in a Working-Class English Accent dept.]

"It's them lazy sluts from the bally [i.e., ballet]. Bally noosance I call them," and she looked sharply at Miss Milk to see whether her pun was appreciated.

***

[Twins dept.]

"What really drew my attention to it was one which I thought said: 'Italian lady gives lessons. Twins by arrangement.' I had to look again to see that it was terms."

***

[Old expression that's new to me.]

"She'd be as right as a trivet."

***

"You're the artist's nightmare. The one who always remembers it's been done before."

[Just wait until Google comes along. You ain't seen nothin' yet!]

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[Characters Who Allude to People They Know as If You're Supposed to Know Who They Are, When Clearly There's No Reason You Would dept.]

"I like my milk and my tea in separate Thermoses, and if I leave it to Violet I know she'll put them in together."

Miss Milk had no idea who Violet was, but she tut-tutted in sympathy with the principle involved.

***

"The porter knew nothing: come to that you could remove the hotel brick by brick during the night, and I don't think he'd notice."