From Neil Simon's They're Playing Our Song:

***

VERNON: Look, you don’t just divulge your entire personality. It’s like toothpaste. It comes out a little bit at a time.

SONIA: So how come I’m having trouble getting your cap off?

***

VERNON: What are you smiling about?

SONIA: You’re fingering my back like you’re playing the piano.

VERNON: Oh. Sorry. I was working.

SONIA: You mean you were composing on my spinal column?

VERNON: I just wrote eight bars on your lower lumbar region.

SONIA: Well, don’t write any concertos. We’re in a public place.

***

VERNON: Oh, I gave that up. I’m into self-analysis now.

SONIA: You mean you analyze yourself?

VERNON: Mondays and Fridays, five to six.

SONIA: Are you serious?

VERNON: It saves a lot of time. I trust myself. I have a lot of confidence in me. I can open up and not be ashamed to hear what I have to say.

SONIA: I don’t believe you.

VERNON: I swear. I’m really making some major breakthroughs. The only trouble is I have to stop soon. I go on vacation in August.

***

SONIA: I heard you were in Europe.

VERNON: Yes. Paris, for two months. Scoring the Louis Malle picture.

SONIA: How’d you like it?

VERNON: I had a little trouble with the language. Every time I ordered breakfast, they’d bring me a bicycle.

***

SONIA: I’m all alone for the first time in my life, handling it great and really proud of myself. In fact, tomorrow night I’m taking me out to dinner.

VERNON: I wish I was staying on. I was going to take myself out too. The four of us could have double-dated.

***

SONIA: What makes you think we won’t have the same problems as last time?

VERNON: Because I’ve changed. I’m different. We’ll have all /new/ problems this time.

***

[And one from his Star-Spangled Girl]

ANDY: Norman, I’ve known you for eight years. Can you ever remember me lying to you /once/ in all those eight years?

NORMAN: Yes. I’ve known you for nine years.