Writing an "abbreviated history" isn't as easy it would seem. For example:
Lt. Gen. Wm. B. of LV, NV (b. '43): mia (awol?) c. '63. [42 characters]
Translation:
Lieutenant General William Baxter of Las Vegas, Nevada (born 1943) went missing in action (absent without leave?) circa 1963. [106 characters]
The best abbreviated history we've seen has the squirm-inducing title of
Castration: An Abbreviated History of Western Manhood.