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unearths some literary gems.
***
[Because, I suppose, the book began as a blog à clef (which is especially appropriate given the key-keeping theme!), most of the characters are referred to and addressed only by their titles--Deputy Head Porter, Junior Bursar, Head of Housekeeping--or as "Professor K" and so on. That brings a certain je ne sais quoi (or rather je ne sais qui) that I like. Oh, one twist/exception is the porter whose surname is also Porter. There's also a named character called Professor Fox--who is "trans-Atlantic" and speaks unconvincingly but sometimes amusingly in a mixture of U.S. and UK slang.]***[More hat obsessions! In case you haven't been doing the math, I note that this is a completely different author from (a) the one who wrote The Man Who Became a Hat, and (b) the one who wrote Hats Off to Murder.]It is the fascination of his hat that so enchants me.[later]I always liked wearing a hat. It gave me a sense of purpose.[still later]"Holmes and Watson require the assistance of...Hercule Poirot. And you have the right sort of hat, which is good enough for me."[and]The jolly fedora is instantly familiar.[There is also some one-upping with hats! It is discovered that the porters of a rival college wear top hats, rather than bowlers. The bowler-hatted porters decide that the only way to outdo their rivals now would be to wear crowns.]***We make our way through the cloisters and across the courtyards, Head Porter merrily talking nonsense. Or he could be explaining something relating to College life. It is so very difficult to tell the difference.***"I've been avoiding banquets for years now and am rather adept at it."***"But isn't it a little...spooky?""Spooky? Deputy Head Porter, I am a man of science! I do not get...spooked."He is a Professor of Economics, but maybe that is a type of science. It's not really for me to point this out or to pursue it further.***"He died in Old College?""Yes, in his chair by the fire in the Senior Combination Room. It was nearly a full twenty-four hours before anyone realised he was dead. The latter part of his career was spent asleep in that chair, and it was only when he failed to turn up for lunch the following day that we realised something was amiss.... His passing was very much like his life. Very peaceful. He probably does not even realise he has died."[later]In Doctor D's case, even death wasn't enough to shift him from his seat by the fire.***I am becoming something of a specialist in Matters That Must Be Attended To Immediately. Old College should start offering degrees in it.***"Doctor F is incandescent with rage!"Ha. "Incandescent with rage"! I've only ever seen that phrase written down; I didn't think people actually said it.***She is not amused at the finger of blame being pointed at the Bedders, but once I explain the finger of blame is merely being waved about in general, she relents a little.***I recognize Gustav Holst's "Planet Suite" playing on the record deck.... [Professor K's finger] is vaguely keeping time to the music and his thin, drawn lips are softly humming. I don't think they are humming Holst, but that is hardly my business.***"When furniture becomes unreasonable, one must look out, you know."***"Sir, you know what we were talking about the other day?""Ghosts and ghoulies?"I don't remember ghoulies coming into it, but there you go.***His voice is soft, low and even, each word sounding as if it is floating on a cushion, quite apart from its neighbours.***No point in standing on ceremony. It never stood on me.***This does not merely warm the cockles of my heart; it wraps them in a rug and places them snugly by the fire.***"Don't listen to Head Porter. I mean, no one really does so don't be the first. It's always awful if you're the first to do something."***Getting an unequivocal answer from Professor K was like prising a Fellow away from his dinner--nigh on impossible.***He pauses, [which] he probably thinks is effective, but rather makes him appear to have forgotten what he was saying.***They remain seemingly sempiternal [I didn't know that word! --J.] in Old College until they are called to the great lecture theatre (or, more likely, Dining Room) in the sky.***"I'm just strolling about, you know. I do that from time to time, and many other times," replies the Professor, smiling.***"Snakes! Murderers! Dragons! Socks! Why, it could really be anything!"***I am not as fond of keys as any good Porter should be; as fascinating as many of them are, they can become a little tedious over time. Like people.***"You should both behave a little more like gentlemen.""He wouldn't know a gentleman if one jumped up and bit him on the bum!" he says, jabbing a finger at Head Porter."Gentlemen do not bite people on the bum!" Head Porter retorts, which is a fair enough point, to be honest.***
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