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unearths some literary gems.
From Perfect Behavior, by Donald Ogden Stewart:
***One of the most favored methods of announcing an engagement is by the use of symbolic figures embodying the names of the affianced pair. Thus, for example, in the case of the present engagement of Richard Roe to Dorothy Doe it would be “unique” to have the first course at luncheon consist of a diminutive candy or paper-mache doe seated amorously upon a heart shaped order of a shad roe. The guests will at first be mystified, but soon cries of “Oh, how sweet!” will arise and congratulations are then in order. Great care should be taken, however, that the symbolic figures are not misunderstood; it would be extremely embarrassing, for example, if in the above instance, a young man named “Shad” or “Aquarium” were to receive the congratulations instead of the proper person.***A correctly trained usher will always have ready some cheery word or sprightly bit of conversation to make the guests feel perfectly at home as he conducts them to their seats. “It’s a nice day, isn’t it?” is suggested as a perfectly safe and yet not too unusual topic of conversation. This can be varied by remarking, “Isn’t it a nice day?” or in some cases, where you do not wish to appear too forward, “Is it a nice day, or isn’t it?”***The word “soul”—pronounced with deep feeling, as when repeating a fish order to a stupid waiter—may be introduced effectively several times.***The possession of certain physical gifts—such as the ability to wriggle one’s ears or do the “splits”—is in itself no “open sesame” to lasting social success.***[Bonus: a semi-gratuitous reference to a "porcelain parrot" among a short list of breakables.]
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