“Use tools.  In this case, human tools.”
    Di hit her forehead with her palm.  “Oh hell!  The oldest trick in the book, and I forgot it!  My God, that’s Crowley’s old trick—and the Kali cult’s, and a dozen others’!”
—Mercedes Lackey, Burning Water (1992)

I was walking down a sidewalk and came upon a statue of Jesus. It came alive, and asked me if I would kiss his feet. I wasn't that thrilled at the idea, but since they looked clean, I decided I'd be willing to try it, in case it resulted in some wonderful spiritual benefit. As I approached him, he started changing shapes that had nothing remotely like feet. While watching him, I was somehow transported to a room where there was a man in a booth. He had stacks of posters that the viewer was supposed to choose from for what would be experienced. I found some posters I liked, but I just wanted the posters, and not deal with the activities represented by them. This response seemed to confuse the man, as if this hadn't happened before, but he didn't refuse when I asked if I could have the posters I liked. But as I walked away, a dangerous looking man came up to me and pushed me in a way that knocked me down. I somehow knew that he would continue pushing me till I was unconscious, so I just lay there, pretending that I was already unconscious. Then some people came and picked me up and strapped me onto a cart (like used in hospitals). I was then put onto a conveyer belt where various sweet tasting substances were forced at me. The first was like cream filling in donuts. I tasted a little, and decided I didn't really want any, so I just closed my eyes and mouth till it was gone. It soon was, and I was amazed that none seemed to be sticking to my face. This was followed by lots of other sweet substances like caramel, coconut, ice cream, etc. I wasn't interested in tasting any of them, but there was a bowl of chopped nuts by the ice cream, and I tried to take a few of those, but they were in a glass case that I couldn't open. So I soon gave up. I figured that they were only available if I ate ice cream too. Then various kinds of chocolate substances were forced at me. I knew that the people running this procedure didn't know I can't eat chocolate, so I tried to shout out "no chocolate", but the substances kept getting in the way. Finally the sweet substances stopped coming, and I was unstrapped and let go. The guy who had been taking notes on my reactions said I "scored a 4", in a voice that indicated that this was a ridiculously low number, so I figured that it was on a scale of 100. I walked out of the place wondering why I'd been given this "test", since the sweet substances were meant to cause people to uncontrollably indulge in them. I knew there surely were other tests which could easily break down my resistance, so I found it strange that they'd choose one that was so inappropriate for me.

While I was fiddling with my woolly hat, giving, though I say so myself, a very cunning simulation of clumsiness and muddle, I simply slipped the salt cellar down my sleeve.  . . . It’s the oldest trick in the world, in fact . . . but nevertheless takes a great deal of skill and deftness.
—Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (1987)

7-letter words:
• attrite • diatron • dilator • hairnet • latrias • nourish • nutrias • outlaid • outrate • pyurias	• sadiron • talaria • tartish • tequila • textual • titrate • titular • tritone • tuladis • uralite
8-letter words:
• dilatate • nontidal	• notarial • tequilas

The oldest trick in the world is to attach oneself to some promising movement or other by simply putting on the uniform and leaving the gun at home.
—Douglas Wilson, Case for Classical Christian Education (2003)