"There ought to be a book of the laws and customs a-la-mode, presented to all young people upon their first introduction into public company."
—Fanny Burney, Evelina, 1904, p. 81.

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

MRS. DALLOWAY by Virginia Woolf

Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.  Suddenly, a shot rang out.

[Thanks to June for the suggestion!]

 

What is funnier than humanity disrobed of its well-tailored beliefs?

Clue:  This is according to Charlie Chaplin

Answer:  Nothing.  “You see, nothing is funnier than humanity disrobed of its well-tailored beliefs.  The audience will laugh itself speechless!”  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  Kevin J. Haynes, Charlie Chaplin: Interviews (2005), p. 70. 

The sleep inducement surrounding Michael Jackson's death unmasked him as Osiris, the dying and resurrected god.  MJ wasn't addicted to plastic surgery per se but rather to being "put under" and rising again with a new face.  As Carl Jung explained, "the dying and resurgent god ... expresses a transformation of attitude by means of which a new potential, a new manifestation of life ... is created."  MJ's sequence of reincarnation was y=sin(x^2), with each vacillation of increasing frequency, to the point that he died nightly.  By the physical incarnation we came to know, MJ's spirit was too refined to operate within the mundane, just as a distilled spirit is so volatile as to hazard combustion.  The jokes about MJ's nose falling off were unwitting retellings of the Osiris myth; this time, the general public embodied Isis, putting the pieces back together while singing the magical incantation: "Ma ma say, ma ma sah, ma ma koo sah."

William Keckler notes:

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison

I am an invisible man.  Suddenly, a shot rings out.

[Thanks to June for the suggestion!]

"Weapons are always drawn and brandished like special days marked in the calendar with that proverbial 'X' which never really helps you to remember." —J. Karl Bogartte, Antibodies: A Surrealist Novella
 

FIRST QUARTER (CONTINUOUS)

"Punctuated by many pockmarks and craters."

—Tammy Plotner, The Night Sky Companion (2007)

 

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND by Lewis Carroll

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?'  Suddenly, a shot rang out.

True or False: A goatee is funnier than a Vandyke.

Clue:  This is according to a guide to drawing comics

Answer:  True.  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  Suck School of Comic Art, Suck.com, (Nov. 7, 1997)

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

PETER PAN by J. M. Barrie

All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this.  Suddenly, a shot rang out.

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Timon writes:

"Just as there are polysyllabic words that say very little, so there are also monosyllabic words of infinite meaning."
—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742-1799)

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

Inspired by Myrlin A Hermes, The Lunatic, the Lover, and the Poet