CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, a “monk for the modern age” by George Parker, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
Which is funnier: just outside or two blocks away?
Clue: This is according to Neil Simon.
Answer: two blocks (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)
Citation: Neil Simon, Laughter on the 23rd Floor. "Not outside the Roman Senate. Two blocks from the Roman Senate. Two blocks is funny." [Thanks, Jonathan!]
We're tickled that a photo of our rainbow bookshelves illustrates these sentences in an English lesson: "My bookcase is a mess. I need to sort out my books."
"'Tell me,' she said, imploringly; 'I can bear anything but suspense.'" (The Quiver, 1886.)
She's right! "Suspense kills like nothing else. Suspense is a slow poison that eats into your system and gradually erodes your body, mind, heart and soul" (N. Sampath Kumar, Love on Velocity Express, 2010).
We find an explanation in Frank Crane's Just Human (1915): "Most so-called charity is evil. It is bad both ways. It deceives the giver by a false salve to his conscience. ... The gift is also a curse to the recipient. It destroys self-respect. Both takers and givers of charity are debased."
Here's a precursor to Prof. Henry Higgins and flower girl Eliza Doolittle of Pygmalion (1912), from an advertisement in A Lawful Crime by Edward Kent, 1899. The illustration is by Phil May.