Found 126 posts tagged ‘jonathan caws-elwitt’ |
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Rhetorical Questions, Answered! –
May 16, 2010 |
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Q. And, after all, is not eating well what the culinary arts are all about?
A. Yes, it is.
Q. That was actually a rhetorical question. Aren't you supposed to be on break?
—humorist, playwright, neologist, palindromist, parodist, and wit Jonathan Caws-Elwitt
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Forgotten Wisdom –
April 13, 2010 |
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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Forgotten Wisdom –
February 13, 2010 |
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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The Right Word –
December 15, 2009 |
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Unnecessary Attribution (of brief, public-domain utterances) by literary rapscallion Jonathan Caws-Elwitt Prof. Oddfellow adds: In the word of the great statesman and martyr, Abraham Lincoln, "Alas!" As the legendary Mae West once exclaimed, "Funny!" In the word of the great Persian poet-astronomer, Omar Khayyam, "Who?" To quote the eminent Frenchman, Rousseau, "Indeed!" In the word of the great American slavery abolitionist, Frederick Douglas, "Never." As the celebrated Dr. Johnson once asked, "Why?" In the word of the great Italian poet-philosopher Giacomo Leopardi, "Oh!"
Gary Barwin adds:
As God said, ". . ."
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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Forgotten Wisdom –
March 30, 2009 |
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? –
November 20, 2008 |
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Q. What does a Hungarian scientist say upon making a discovery? A. " Paprika!" —Jonathan Caws-Elwitt |
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Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? –
November 17, 2008 |
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Q. What did the carpenter say when invited into the cabinet makers' union? A. Thanks, but I'm not really a joiner. —Jonathan Caws-Elwitt |
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I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought –
October 8, 2008 |
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Literary rapscallion Jonathan Caws-Elwitt wonders whether one can "like it and lump it":
Merriam-Webster tells me that the transitive verb lump can mean "to group indiscriminately," or "to move noisily and clumsily." Now, the imperative phrase lump it, of course, is usually heard as part of "like it or lump it." But my problem is that I'm not sure how to lump it, if called upon. Am I supposed to group things indiscriminately, if I don't like whatever "it" is? Or move something noisily and clumsily? (Chances are, I'm already doing that, without being asked.)
And why all this mutual exclusivity? Cannot one like it and lump it?
Humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt's plays, stories, essays, letters, parodies, wordplay, witticisms and miscellaneous tomfoolery can be found at Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0. Here you'll encounter frivolous, urbane writings about symbolic yams, pigs in bikinis, donut costumes, vacationing pikas, nonexistent movies, cross-continental peppermills, and other compelling subjects.
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Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? –
July 16, 2008 |
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Here's one of our favorite bits from As Long As It's in the Script: A Sex Farce Within a Sex Farce by Jonathan Caws-Elwitt: When she was only nine years old, [Helen] wrote and directed a neighborhood musical, casting herself in the starring role. She did makeup, costumes . . . the whole bit. Then she made herself Executive Producer and cut the budget. |
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Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? –
May 8, 2008 |
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From the notebooks of humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:
Thank you for calling Gratitech. If you are calling to be thanked for calling, please press 1. If you are calling to thank us for answering, please press 2. If you would like to be thanked for pressing 2, please press 3. If you are calling to say "you're welcome", please hold, and a representative will be with you as soon as possible.
(Literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt’s plays, stories, essays, letters, parodies, wordplay, witticisms and miscellaneous tomfoolery can be found at Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0. Here you’ll encounter frivolous, urbane writings about symbolic yams, pigs in bikinis, donut costumes, vacationing pikas, nonexistent movies, cross-continental peppermills, and other compelling subjects.)
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Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? –
April 24, 2008 |
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From the quipboard of Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:
Have you heard the latest from Fashion Avenue? A designer is putting out a line of stylish ensembles for philosophers, known as Cartesian Coordinates. "We were under pressure from our stockholders to rationalize our production process," explains the CEO.
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Finally, the "I'm with Stupid" t-shirt of yesteryear has been given its digital-age incarnation, courtesy of literary rapscallion Jonathan Caws-Elwitt. The new t-shirt is not to be confused with a book on the market called im with stupid(no apostrophe, no capitals). It's by the artist Jeremy Fish. 
© J. Caws-Elwitt
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The Unicorn of 4th Street. Jonathan Caws-Elwitt writes: "Guess it must be Spinoza's day off."
"You're thinking of Market Street."
"No," said Dylan, "I'm positive it was 4th Street."
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