CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, a “monk for the modern age” by George Parker, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
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A Turkish Delight of musings on languages, deflations of metaphysics, vauntings of arcana, and great visual humor.

October 21, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Mystery and Malice aboard RMS Ballast, by PJ Fitzsimmons:

***
"Great Guildenstern's garters!"

***
"Oh my giddy aunt's guinea stamp," I rued.

***
"Excellent venue for infiltrating panto dressed as a horse, the Richmond."

***
[Bonus: my favorite malapropism, from a character who habitually malaprops: "a figtree of my imagination"]


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October 19, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From "The News-boy," by Joseph C. Neal:

Character names: St. Sebastian Sockdolager, Esq. and Mr. Sappington Sapid (whom Sockdolager addresses as "Mr. Whatcheecallem")
"Tickletoby!" (evidently an oath)
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October 17, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Seeing Things at Night, by Heywood Broun:

[The one about whooping it up for buildings is from a piece questioning the practice of applauding only for human performers, and not for impressive inanimate things.]








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October 14, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Playhouse Impressions, by A. B. Walkley:

[Three snippets attached. I can't imagine the ad hoc playhouse in a dormitory was really unusual, even in the late 19th century, but the bon mot about dormitory in a playhouse amused me.]



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October 12, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Nuts About Squirrels: The Rodents That Conquered Popular Culture, by Don H. Corrigan:

[The context here--should you need any--is the assertion that ancient squirrel lore has persisted even in the most modern entertainment technology.]

"There's a squirrel in the digital machine."
#squirrel
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October 10, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

The Pinkled Frinft, and other snippets from The Smart Set, 1917:

***
[Shaw's play Getting Married] reminds one of a Wilde epigram rewritten by Dostoievsky. [Nathan]

***
Anyone can write a play but...it takes genius to sit through one. [Nathan; not sure if this quip is original to him]

***
all its winsome et ceteras [Nathan]

***
Miss Cather and Mrs. Watts have yet to strike twelve. [Mencken]

***
ideas rolled out like noodles [Mencken]

***
the grave and literal-minded critical whisker [Nathan]
***

Bonuses:

Nathan uses "jabberwock" as a transitive verb (something a playwright does to the audience by entertaining them with playful nonsense).

He also uses the adverb "Johnsonianly" (i.e., in the manner of Dr. Johnson).
[And the same day I encountered that, I subsequently encountered the assertion, in an unrelated book from 1921, that Fanny Burney wrote "a kind of debased Johnsonese."]

He describes a play called /The Basker/ as a "monocled dawdle"

Notes on a couple of the attachments:
1. Re. "more this anon": This sentence, article, and entire *issue* appear to break off in the middle of a word! Mencken is both the author and co-editor, so in a way he's self-empting. (And I note that I saw no evidence of the sentence or article picking up again in the subsequent issue.)
2. I've included the tobacco ad simply because of its over-the-top off-topicness in confusing itself with a coffee ad. (I subsequently saw another one in the series, with some other fragrant non-tobacco substance featured.)
3. Apparently The Pinkled Frinft's title has a subtitle that reads, "Don't Wrinkle Your Nose When You Pronounce It."
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October 7, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Smart Set, 1916:

***
I read it on a train, and a hundred miles seemed as the leap of a frog, the gesture of a bartender. [Mencken]

***
a paperstore jammed between two buildings, a veritable architectural sandwich
[Now I'm hungry!]

***
You would have seen artist and artiste act the play almost entirely without the eyebrows. [Nathan]
***

Bonuses:
"zither salad" [apparently a nonsensical Nathan one-off]
"an air of genuine fiddlededee" [Nathan--who means it as a compliment]
the Buxton Murfrees
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October 5, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Death in the Tunnel, by Miles Burton:

Wigland and Bunthorne [firm name]
Mrs. Clutsam
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October 3, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Buffoon, by Louis Marlow:


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September 30, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Merry-Andrew, by Keble Howard:

***
a voice of practically unlimited register, but utterly beyond control, so that even a very short sentence resolved itself into a sort of chromatic scale

***
The suits were extremely baggy--so baggy that Mr. Weevil was able to move about inside them rather like a cat under a hearthrug.
***

[And some names]
Messrs. Plumbridge, Slice & Co.
Mr. Inchboard [The OED tells me that "inch-board" is board that's an inch thick. Fair enough!]
Mr. Cecil Punt








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September 28, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Smart Set, 1915:

***
He closed his eyes, and sank back on his evoked sensations, as on some lush divan.

***
The clicking of Cyril's typewriter punctuated this oration with grotesque effect.

***
[Playwright Butler Davenport's] mad adoration of the French exclamation mark. [Nathan]

***
italicized punctilio

***
I know as much about any kind of literature as a Scotch collie knows about the fourth dimension.
***

[Bonuses]
a character known as Mr. Montagu-Montague
Nathan refers to Aristotle as "Rudolph P. Aristotle."
Nathan characterizes facile epigrams as simply "saying the wrong thing at the right time."

Note: The attached classification of body parts refers to their "statuses" in the sense of social position or "respectability" or whatever.
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September 26, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From No. 13 Washington Square, by Leroy Scott:

"I never admitted I was such an undraped, uneuphonious, square-cornered word as that."
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September 23, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Secretary of Frivolous Affairs, by May Futrelle:

[Btw, this author also wrote a book called Lieutenant What's-His-Name.]

***
She had never had as close as a fourth cousin connection with a romance.

***
It was a problem that had the Servant Question tied in a double knot.

***
"I know my A-B-abs of golf."
[What's with this upper/lower, C-unaware version of the ABCs?? Googling this, of course, is hopeless.]

***
"I do hope she doesn't want me for a sort of sublimated lady's maid."

***
to find out Who's Who in Society and Why

***
She had gone to a lecture, anyhow, on the Whereness of the Which, or something equally intellectual.

***
A breakfast gong at eight, and mother at the head of the table pouring coffee. It's her hobby.

***
I whirled in the scheme of things, marveling every instant that I didn't fly off into the air from tangential impetus.

***
"You win!" Hap exclaimed, and he tossed her an olive.

***
It was a dark green cloth bag like lawyers carry their--whatever they do carry in them.
***





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September 21, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Life, July-Dec. 1925:

***
A good sense of direction is necessary today, otherwise you may get lost. [from "Today's Horoscope"]

***
You may not like it because people aren't rushing in and out of doors all the time carrying bits of plot with them. [Benchley]

***
[The character] is a little handicapped in her love-making, however, owing to the necessity for stopping every three minutes to toss her head laughingly, place her hands on her hips, and stamp. [Benchley]

***
Iris of the what-shall-I-say, Iris of the this-and-that [Benchley]
***
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September 19, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

"It gets my nanny." [i.e., goat]

[Three more snippets attached. I like how the itinerary, whose primary purpose is to be ridiculously inefficient from a geographical point of view, gets bonus points for using two officially funny city names.]



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September 16, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From The Man Who Came to Dinner, by George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart:

[The character is reading from a phone bill.]

STANLEY: Oklahoma City, Calcutta, Hollywood, Australia, Rome, New York, New York, New York, New York, New York, New York--(His voice trails off in an endless succession of New Yorks)

#new york
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September 14, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

[All snippets are Dorothy Parker.]

***
There is a little bit of a play going on over at the Punch and Judy, so small that it is scarcely visible to the naked eye.

***
If it were a crime to like Marie Dressler I should be well within the law.

***
Perhaps it is for old sake's sake...
***

[All attachments are also Parker, except of course for the peculiar cigarette ad, which is one of a series of at least two (two items counts as a series, right?) that depict the hands of star film comedians.]












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September 12, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Vanity Fair, 1921:

***
As he walked along he whistled and sang and turned handsprings and flapjacks. [F. Scott Fitzgerald]

***
The stranger...was trying to buy the land for a song. He was considering what song to offer. [ibid.]

***
The Skylark is a slugging match in which all the characters aim epigrams at each other and miss.
***

Bonuses:
" 'Odd's fudge " [a composite oath penned by Noel Coward!]
A revue entitled, Eh, Bébé!!, by Rire and Sourire [made up by Nathan]
A real revue entitled Zig-Zag

Many more snippets attached. A couple of notes:
"Seeking the Bubble Reputation at the Camera's Mouth": Okay, I have no idea what that headline means.
"The Younger Generation of French Illustrators": I guess it's unintentional that the photo spread suggests that it's the babies who are this "younger generation" of illustrators? (:v>
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Yesterday — September 9, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Honors Are Even, by Roi Cooper Megrue


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September 7, 2025 (permalink)


Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

unearths some literary gems.

From Death of an Artist, by John Rhode:

***
"[She] talked to him about art, of which she knew about as much as a tinker's donkey."
***

[Bonus: "Tiffin" as a surname]
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