Rhetorical Questions, Answered!
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Q: How would Bibendum answer the phone?
A: "Yes, I'm Bibendum."
From a Michelin ad in Illustrated London News, 1912.
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We've done that, too -- asked "where" before we even knew "what." The text reads, "Where is cobalt? What is cobalt? These are queries from every point of the compass." From Hearst's International, 1906.
A: From the German for "demon, imp," cobalt is a byproduct from nickel and copper ores and is used as a component of magnetic alloys. In the context of the article, the "where" is the area formerly known as New Ontario.
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A: "Well, if you don't know, then who the hell does? Why are you even telling us this now if you're not sure? And when will you be sure?" —John O'Neill, Baby Girl Lauren, 2012
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Courtesy of literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:
Now, isn't that just the cutest little doggie!
A. Yes.
B. No.
C. Objection! Counsel is leading the witness.
D. Do you really want an honest answer to that?
E. Now? Yes. But if a cuter little doggie comes along in a minute or two, you're out of luck.
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Q: How many people can get inside a book?
A: One hundred million can crowd into a book, all in the same two hours, by twenty million lamps thousands of miles apart.
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Q: "A question for the Darwinians. If nature develops limbs and faculties in response to the demand, why isn't a Dutch hound provided with feet amidships?" —Grip, 1891.
A: Ask again once the Darwinists account for that pesky organism that hasn't evolved for over 2 billion years (beyond desperately calling it the exception that proves the rule). (And don't bring up the horseshoe crab's 450-million recess from evolution.)
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Q: " Who was it that said, 'Damn it all — damn everything but the circus.'" (Ken Nordine, "Hi Diddle Dee Dee," Stay Awake)
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Q: " How long does it take for a voice to emerge from another voice?" —William KecklerA: No time at all. The phenomenon has been called "ghost voice," "third voice," and "implied harmony." "When two people sing loudly at slightly different picthes, the frequencies can mix, causing a different tone, or third pitch" ( Paul W. Zitzewitz, The Handy Physics Answer Book).
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Original Content Copyright © 2025 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.
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