In this scene from Dark Shadows episode 987, we suspect that each scientist left out at least one word in his line.  When you hear these lines spoken, as opposed to reading the subtitles, it’s even more confusing … especially because the actors’ faces are so deadpan, and they don’t stumble but smoothly leave out words.  They look as though they mean this nonsense and seem to understand each other.  Cue the eerie music, indeed!

"You are heded [sic] for HELL!"  From William and Mary's 1986 yearbook.

From To Heaven with the Devil by Harold Elvin, 1914. 

Here's a rare magic spell for conjuring a mermaid.  From The Witch Family by Eleanor Estes and illustrated by Edward Ardizzone.

"She returned his stare."  From Indiana University's 1913 yearbook.

What a mosquito says: "Zumphmeeeahmeeahmeeahmeeahmeeahmeeah!"  (A Googlewhack, as of this posting -- zero results.)  From Hizzoner the Mayor by Joel Sayre, 1933.

Synonyms for a monocle:

magnifying glass
disk of crystal
the glass
the token of ceaseless interrogation

Picadilly window

glass onion

“The monocle is everything.  Man.  A crystallization.  A gel.  A micella.  God.” —Blaise Cendrars, Dan Yack (1927, translated by Nina Rootes, 1987)

“The monocle at his eye was like a veil to hide the soul, a defence against inquiry, itself the unceasing question, a sort of battery thrown forward, a kind of field-casemate for a lonely, besieged spirit. It was full of suggestion. It might have been the glass behind which showed some medieval relic, the body of some ancient Egyptian king whose life had been spent in doing wonders and making signs—the primitive, anthropomorphic being.” —Gilbert Parker, The Right of Way (1901)

[snippets collected through the course of our research]

"Pardon my asking if you like to read."  From Hoenshel's Complete English Grammar, 1897.

"Your thought is a fortress that neither gale nor the lightning can skake [sic]."  From Belmont Abbey's 1973 yearbook.

Great asterisk to mark the "poetic license."  This is the very first grammatical irregularity we've noticed that a yearbook editor was also aware of.  From Rhode Island State's 1907 yearbook.

Reblog if you're the queen of communication.  From Language Arts Curriculum Guide (ERIC ED102570), 1973.

"You're sure you don't mean ordering hotcakes like books?"  From The Addams Family, 1965.

We're honored that Cyril the Sorcerer calligraphized two lines of ours about speaking magic words: "Speak your words of magic with all the weight of saying 'I love you' to someone for the very first time. ... Speak the word as if you were presenting a lost relic from another time."  Cyril added, "Thanks Prof. Oddfellow aka Craig Conley for your artistry with ink, words and magic."

"'Must' is a word I do not recognize."  Actually, most everyone at Collinwood, like Bartleby, would prefer not to, as we proved here.  It's more like Collin-wouldn't.  From Dark Shadows episode 641.

Don Lancaster's Cheap Video Cookbook (1978) is dedicated to the Yeahbut.

"You slide the mask down the page until you see a new row of ___."

As we proved previously, it's a bizarre and wonderful phenomenon that whenever you see rows of asterisks in a book, they invariably illustrate the text either following or preceding them.

From a 1968 education monograph.

A tombstone-worthy sentence diagram: "If an inscription be put upon my tomb, it may be this."  From Manual and Diagrams to Accompany Metcalf's Grammars, 1901.

From The George Washington Ghost, 1926.

"Sweet it is to have done the thing one ought."  From Hoenshel's Complete English Grammar, 1897.

A florist innuendo joke from the 1930s, in Purple Parrot (1938).  "Do you have any pansies?"