CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, a “monk for the modern age” by George Parker, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
Q: I still remember a can of "sunlight" some long-dead relative sent to my mom as a gag gift. She put it away in a dark drawer. What else can you do with such a gift? —William Keckler
A: Pair the can of sunlight with a basket of kisses as a gift to Rhoda "The Bad Seed" Penmark.
The text reads, "Each pea in a pod is engirdled by an imaginary line corresponding to the great circles of our celestial sphere. This can be verified by anyone who wishes to take the trouble."
Our piece was inspired by an illustration in Illustrated British Ballads, Old and New, 1894. Its caption reads, "Now when they got as far as the equator, they'd nothing left but one split pea." That pea must have been split equatorially, eh?
Giving a warning too late to be of any help. It's the oldest trick in the book. The caption reads, "Take care, Mr. Malone, the stairs are slippery." From Shirley by Charlotte Brontë, 1897.
"It removed my veil from its gaunt head, rent it in two parts, and, flinging both on the floor, trampled on them." From Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë and illustrated by Frederick Henry Townsend, 1897.
"The New-York Anti-Orange-Peel and Banana-Skin Association, as they appear in their great humanitarian feat of clearing the side-walks." From Punchinello, April 9, 1870. [Notice all those hyphens in the caption. Under a microscope, each hyphen is, in turn, a miniature orange peel and banana skin.]
In this still from The Heart, She Holler (season three), we learn that "the impossible is possible if the reality that you are in creates another reality where the reality created in that reality creates that very reality that in and of itself created that first reality. If they create each other then anything can happen."