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Of all ancient Egyptian iconography, I've always found the most uncanny
to be Anubis leaning over a mummy (with the winged soul of the deceased
hovering above). I get chills every time I see that image — not
chills of fear, exactly, but of profound mystery. Come to think
of it, I suppose the image should
make one's blood run cold, as that's what it's all about. While I
was looking online for statues of Anubis standing over the sarcophagus
(alas, the statues never include the winged soul), I discovered the
following intriguing explanation and invitation:
As every school child knows, Anubis –
most often portrayed as a human figure with the head of a jackal or
black dog – is a guardian of the Otherworld, who watches over tombs and
mummies and guides souls of the departed to the Hall of Osiris.
But Anubis’ significance goes much deeper. As psychopomp, or
guide of souls, he is the patron of journeys beyond the body (which is
why he is invoked to guard those who have left their bodies under
trauma or anesthesia) and everyone journeys beyond the body in death
and dreaming, with or without instruction.
[...]
If you want to dream like an Egyptian, in the best way, look for the
black dog in your sleep tonight, when your eyes are opened in a dream.
—Shamanic counselor Robert Moss, "Dreaming Like an Egyptian," Soul Travel Magazine
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| If you have a strange dream to share, send it along! |
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Spammers from Oz
Ken Clinger
shared the following text about magic spectacles that reveal a person's
character by illuminating letters of the alphabet on the
forehead. Ken found this text in a spam message:
Will you please wear these spectacles
for a few moments? The king at once put them on. They are called
Character Markers, continued the boy, because the lenses catch and
concentrate the character vibrations radiating from every human
individual and reflect the true character of the person upon his
forehead. If a letter 'G' appears, you may be sure his
disposition is good; if his forehead is marked with an 'E' his
character is evil, and you must beware of treachery.
The passage is actually from something entitled:
The Master Key
An Electrical Fairy Tale
Founded Upon The Mysteries Of Electricity
And The Optimism Of Its Devotees. It Was
Written For Boys, But Others May Read It
by [noneother than] L. Frank Baum
The story is available for online reading here. |
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Check out this funny bio:
Paul Di Filippo began his career either
in 1977, when his first story appeared in Unearth magazine; or in 1982,
when he quit his job as a COBOL programmer to devote himself fulltime
to writing; or in 1985, when his second and third stories appeared in
The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction and The Twilight Zone
Magazine; or in 1995, when his first book, The Steampunk Trilogy,
debuted. Whichever date one chooses, 2006 will see the
publication of his twenty-fifth book, Top 10: Beyond the Farthest
Precinct, a milestone he is very proud of. He intends to retire
now in stages over the next forty years. |
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| *Inspired by the world's only accurate meteorological report, "Yesterday's Weather," as seen on Check It Out. |
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| I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought |
(permalink) |
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From Jonathan Caws-Elwitt:
A co-worker and I were grumbling about some irritating office phenomenon that wastes a little bit of our time every day. I estimated that it wasted an average of 5 seconds of my workday. Laughing at this tiny figure, we proceeded to explore, via a series of calculations, how this wasted time would accrue over a week, a year, a career . . . . Unfortunately, somewhere in the middle of all the multiplying and dividing, we lost track of exactly what "x" we were solving for and what our answer -- 28,571 -- actually represented. It sure seemed like a good answer, though. When another co-worker walked into the room, I promptly informed her that we had just determined that it would take 28,571 undefined units to describe a forgotten scenario. "That sounds about right," she said without missing a beat.
Literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt's plays, stories, essays, letters, parodies, wordplay, witticisms and miscellaneous tomfoolery can be found at Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0. Here you'll encounter frivolous, urbane writings about symbolic yams, pigs in bikinis, donut costumes, vacationing pikas, nonexistent movies, cross-continental peppermills, and other compelling subjects.
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"Why?" Because.
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SONG: It Only Costs a Dime
ARTIST: Everly Brothers
ORIGINAL LYRIC:
Why don't you ever call me
I know you've got the time
I'm always near the phone
Waiting here alone
Oh baby, it only costs a dime
ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION:
Why don't you ever call me
I know you're not a courter
I'm always near the phone
Waiting here alone
Oh baby, it only costs a quarter
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| * Payphones used to take dimes, but now they take quarters. Isn't
it time to update song lyrics to reflect the realities of
inflation? Alas, it's vastly easier to rhyme the word "dime" than
the word "quarter," but here at Inflationary Lyrics Headquarters we
have risen to the challenge. Please join the fun and share your
own inflationary lyrics, with both the "before" and "after" versions! |
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Forgot the alphabet, — my language's Greek to me!
— Vladimir Vysotsky, "About a Mental Clinic" (translated by Andrey Kneller) |
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Jonathan Caws-Elwitt Begs the Question:
If bandages are sterile, where do those little Band-Aids come from?
Do Australian clocks go 'tock tick'?
When the bus doesn't stop at the bus stop, is it still a bus stop?
If the name "Mannering" is really spelled "Mainwaring", then what about the auxiliary waring?
Literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt's plays, stories, essays,
letters, parodies, wordplay, witticisms and miscellaneous tomfoolery
can be found at Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0.
Here you'll encounter frivolous, urbane writings about symbolic yams,
pigs in bikinis, donut costumes, vacationing pikas, nonexistent movies,
cross-continental peppermills, and other compelling subjects.
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"All the thoughts are swirling about in a bowl of Cheerios,
spelling millions of one letter words with no punctuation to speak of ..."
—Max, from his MySpace blog. |
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Grabbing Credit For Any Successful AttemptsIt’s the oldest trick in the book—grabbing credit for the ones that work.
—Robert Littell, The Defection of A.J. Lewinter (2003)
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| I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought |
(permalink) |
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"The Weekly Forecast"
They're predicting a Monday tomorrow,
and they're advising that if you're travelling out of town overnight,
you should be prepared for a chance of Tuesday, with a strong
possibility of a Wednesday developing toward midweek.
The extended forecast calls for a weekend.
Literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt's plays, stories, essays,
letters, parodies, wordplay, witticisms and miscellaneous tomfoolery
can be found at Monkeys 1, Typewriters 0.
Here you'll encounter frivolous, urbane writings about symbolic yams,
pigs in bikinis, donut costumes, vacationing pikas, nonexistent movies,
cross-continental peppermills, and other compelling subjects. |
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Robots on Fire
(anagrams: "son of orbiter," "strobe of iron," "reborn if soot," "borne
of riots," "orbit for eons," "sin for reboot," "best iron roof")
A robot using himself as a cigarette lighter.
Why not light a robot candle with robot safety matches?
Moral of this story: when testing the shaving cream, take all the expensive electronics off the robot first. (With pictures!)
The fire-breathing, airplane-tossing Robosaurus.
Christian Bale as a fiery, melting cyborg.
A two-headed fire-breathing robot bird.
Christian Ristow's robots destroy each other with fire on a regular basis.
A Subgenius robot on fire.
A flaming robot device that is lit at night.
Fire-spraying cyborgs.
Retro comic book fire-breathing robot.
Robot inferno.
Flaming humanoid robot art.
The robotic fire art of Heather Gallagher.
Sandman is an 850-lb fire shooting performance robot. |
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Original Content Copyright © 2025 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.
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