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I dreamed I was being tested on Shakespeare's "Withdrawn," but I couldn't remember if it was a comedy, tragedy, or history.
Myrlin Hermes writes: Strangely enough, you turned up in my dream last night, emerging from a TARDIS. Perhaps a subconscious reaction to your habit of blogging from the future? At any rate, I'm tickled by the image, which seems somehow fitting, given the way you have quite suddenly and wonderfully dropped into my consciousness.
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| If you have a strange dream to share, send it along! |
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WAXING GIBBOUSThe semicolon appears to be more than one-half but not fully illuminated by the reading lamp. The fraction of the semicolon's dot that is illuminated is increasing, like a visibly waxing moon. This semicolon appears before the Full Semicolon and after the First Quarter Semicolon. The amount of the semicolon that we can see will grow larger and larger every day, "like a comet to the eye of the astronomer."
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 Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . FRANKENSTEIN by Marry Wollstonecraft ShelleyYou will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an enterprise which you have regarded with such evil forebodings. I arrived here yesterday, and my first task is to assure my dear sister of my welfare and increasing confidence in the success of my undertaking. Suddenly, a shot rings out.
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Even a squiggle isn’t immune to the corruption inherent in transliteration. Here's our pictorial study of how Laurence Sterne's elegant and eloquent squiggle (d)evolved through various editions of Tristram Shandy. We call it " Lost in Transliteration." |
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INSTRUCTIONS: Click on the puzzle image below to reveal one possible solution.
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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| Puzzles and Games :: Which is Funnier |
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 Which is funnier: Irish coffee or brandy?
Clue: This is according to literary humorist Jonathan Caws-Elwitt.
Answer: Irish coffee. (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)
Citation: Personal correspondence, Oct. 15, 2007.
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . CORELLI'S MANDOLIN by Louis de BernieresDr Iannis had enjoyed a satisfactory day in which none of his patients had died or got any worse. Suddenly, a shot rang out.
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“So who knows, perhaps your ship will come in with the next shortage.” —Learning Today
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New on Kindle: our Field Guide to Identifying Unicorns by Sound. Also of note: in Robert Altman's Images, a children's book within the film likens the voice of a unicorn to the song of a butterfly: "Straight past his nose zoomed seven enormous butterflies, with eyes like stars and bright blue wings, and each one was humming. And then Hero started to tremble, for it seemed to be him who was humming—not with his usual tuneless hum but a butterfly's humming, just as if one had flown down his throat."  Robert Altman's Images concerns a story about unicorns.
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WAXING GIBBOUS (PROGRESSIVE)"The semicolon corresponds to a rising." —Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary (1963)
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Thanks to the Wacky Web Sites blog, who covered our atlas of blank maps: According to webmaster Craig Conley, there are fundamental differences between a blank page and a blank map. A blank page is empty, whereas a blank map suggests space and orientation and is still designed by a cartographer. Conley takes this one step further, presenting blank maps suggested by history, folklore, or literature such as a landscape purified by snowfall, the unknown path Cleopatra must have taken after Actium, or what Babel looked like before it was built. |
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER by Mark Twain "TOM!" No answer. "TOM!" No answer. "What's gone with that boy, I wonder? You TOM!" No answer. Suddenly, a shot rang out.
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| * A manual for typographers published in 1917 acknowledged that there are many beautiful forms of the ampersand, yet it forbade their use in "ordinary book work." Extraordinary books are another matter. Our lavishly illustrated Ampersand opus explores the history and pictography of the most common coordinating conjunction. |
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"[There's] only a very fine line between the ability to concentrate intelligently on an objective and an unhealthy obsession." — Amanda Quick, The Perfect Poison (2009) |
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . THE SATANIC VERSES by Salman Rushdie "To be born again," sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, "first you have to die." Suddenly, a shot rang out.
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . VALIS by Philip K. DickHorselover Fat's nervous breakdown began the day he got the phonecall from Gloria asking if he had any Nembutols. Suddenly, a shot rang out.
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| The Ghost In The [Scanning] Machine |
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Smart Home Hacks author Gordon Meyer reviews our latest book, The Ghost in the [Scanning] Machine: "It's another amazing work . . .
Conley's union of ghostly images and enigmatic quotations is near
perfect." The label "near perfect" reminds Prof. Oddfellow of the math behind the idiom, "Close, but no cigar":
When graphed, perfection has a cigar shape. Something "near perfect" is, by definition, still flawed. Hence, the idiom, "Close, but no cigar." --- Antonin Artaud writes: These are beautiful. You are a mathematician of literature. There have only been a few Doctors of the Church. Lewis Carroll and Velimir Khlebnikov would love your blog. And your mind.
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Handwriting etiquette calls for a neat dash through misprinted characters. However, several such character obliterations actually form new characters—creation through destruction. Can you dash off the names for each of the would-be transformations below? (Click on the image for answers.) (Dedicated to Gary Barwin and Geof Huth.) --- Geof Huth writes: Craig, thanks for the dedication, of all kinds.
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WAXING GIBBOUS (FUTURE)"Consequently, as the semicolon suggests, their stars are recreated from numbers." —Morse Peckman, Word, Meaning, Poem (1961)
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . PRIDE AND PREJUDICE by Jane Austen It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. Suddenly, a shot rang out.
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook: We were struck by Jonathan Caws-Elwitt's witty proposal that a clique is "a cliché turned on its . . . side?" So we set out to prove it. |
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Pretending to Have Been Robbed"It's the oldest trick in the book. They strip themselves, leave their clothes concealed somewhere, then come into town pretending to have been robbed, in the hope of finding some muttonhead like you to take pity on them and give money or clothes they can sell." — Karen Maitland, Company of Liars (2009)
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| Someone Should Write a Book on ... |
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"There ought to be a book of the laws and customs a-la-mode, presented to all young people upon their first introduction into public company." — Fanny Burney, Evelina, 1904, p. 81. |
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .
MRS. DALLOWAY by Virginia Woolf
Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself. Suddenly, a shot rang out.
[Thanks to June for the suggestion!]
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| Puzzles and Games :: Which is Funnier |
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What is funnier than humanity disrobed of its well-tailored beliefs?
Clue: This is according to Charlie Chaplin
Answer: Nothing. “You see, nothing is funnier than humanity disrobed of its well-tailored beliefs. The audience will laugh itself speechless!” (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)
Citation: Kevin J. Haynes, Charlie Chaplin: Interviews (2005), p. 70.
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| I Found a Penny Today, So Here's a Thought |
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The sleep inducement surrounding Michael Jackson's death unmasked him as Osiris, the dying and resurrected god. MJ wasn't addicted to plastic surgery per se but rather to being "put under" and rising again with a new face. As Carl Jung explained, "the dying and resurgent god ... expresses a transformation of attitude by means of which a new potential, a new manifestation of life ... is created." MJ's sequence of reincarnation was y=sin(x^2), with each vacillation of increasing frequency, to the point that he died nightly. By the physical incarnation we came to know, MJ's spirit was too refined to operate within the mundane, just as a distilled spirit is so volatile as to hazard combustion. The jokes about MJ's nose falling off were unwitting retellings of the Osiris myth; this time, the general public embodied Isis, putting the pieces back together while singing the magical incantation: "Ma ma say, ma ma sah, ma ma koo sah."
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“Just keep your eyes open and don’t tell everybody your business and your ship will come into port.” —Charles Whelan
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison I am an invisible man. Suddenly, a shot rings out. [Thanks to June for the suggestion!]
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"Weapons are always drawn and brandished like special days marked in the calendar with that proverbial 'X' which never really helps you to remember." —J. Karl Bogartte, Antibodies: A Surrealist Novella |
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FIRST QUARTER (CONTINUOUS)"Punctuated by many pockmarks and craters." —Tammy Plotner, The Night Sky Companion (2007)
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From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:
Inspired by Gary Barwin, who saw a distant comet in an exclamation point.
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Printed collections of Forgotten Wisdom diagrams are available: Volume I from Mindful Greetings and Volumes II, III and IV from Amazon. Selected posters are also available via Zazzle. |
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Q: "What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?" —Bertolt Brecht A: The hole hovers in Swedenborgian space. --- Jonathan Caws-Elwitt adds: Having originated, of course, in Switzerlandborgian space.
Pitchinwoot writes:
The mice collect them for their Mouse Holes.
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 Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND by Lewis Carroll Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?' Suddenly, a shot rang out.
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . PETER PAN by J. M. Barrie All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. Suddenly, a shot rang out. --- Timon writes: Love this suggestion. I have to say it. "In the beginning.... Suddenly, a shot rang out!"
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"Just as there are polysyllabic words that say very little, so there are also monosyllabic words of infinite meaning."
—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
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 "Your boat awaits you, and you had better go ashore at once.” —Patrick Smyth
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| Did You Hear the One I Just Made Up? |
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In the tradition of the ageless phrase, "If I had a nickel for every time I ...": If I had a user name and password for every time I tried to log onto a website ...
--- Gordon Meyer writes: ha! Indeed.
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Is it true, as Momus
suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the
addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"? Decide for
yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . . ANNA KARENINA by Leo Tolstoy Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Suddenly, a shot rings out.
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A still from Vertigo (a film irreparably marred by Kim Novak's clownishly painted on eyebrows). --- June writes: That's what Laura Palmer's mother said when SHE saw the white horse!
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Thanks to the Master Organizing blog for featuring our bookshelves organized by color. |
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Employing a concave mirror to turn a map into a globe, Prof. Oddfellow makes contact with his inverted homunculus.
Jonathan Caws-Elwitt quips:
The homunculus appears inverted to us because it lives south of the equator.
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FIRST QUARTEROne-half of the semicolon appears to be illuminated by the reading lamp. The fraction of the semicolon's dot that is illuminated is increasing. The right half of the semicolon appears lighted and the left side appears dark and cryptic. During the time between the New Semicolon and the First Quarter Semicolon, the part of the semicolon that appears lighted gets larger and larger every day, like an island rising from the depths. It will continue to grow until the Full Semicolon.
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| Puzzles and Games :: Which is Funnier |
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Which name is funnier: Herbie or Peter?
Clue: This is according to comedy t.v. writer Jerry Rannow
Answer: Herbie (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)
Citation: Jerry Rannow, Writing Television Comedy (2004), p. 87.
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We have a new item for the running joke about how water and other things spin clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere. In New Zealand, the rotary phones went from 9 to 0. (The illustration is from Peter Jackson's horror/splatstick film Dead Alive.) Our insightful friend Tamara notes that in both hemispheres the zero is fixed at the bottom of the dial. Aha! That's why we sometimes put a slash through the zero — it represents the equator, angled in honor of the Earth's axis!
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Gary Barwin described Canadian Parliament as (among other things) a "clock-eyed baby."
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Original Content Copyright © 2025 by Craig Conley. All rights reserved.
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