Guilt Gifts

Why is a squid's word better than its deed?  Squids sign their deeds with erasable ink.

Why is squid graffiti so vicious?  It's the irascible ink.

Squid ink is both indelible and inedible -- or so they would have you believe!

Why did the squid's world come tumbling down?  It was juggling too much at once.

All squid police are armed.

Squid police never take fingerprints (too much work).  Instead, they take ink samples (hence the phrase "police blotter").  The ink blots also provide instant Psych Evals, which can come in very handy.

Gravity

"All the thoughts are swirling about in a bowl of Cheerios,
spelling millions of one letter words with no punctuation to speak of ..." 
—Max, from his MySpace blog.

Did you hear the one I made up about the pragmatic Buddhist monk? 

He left nothing to chants.

"Hath not a Jew eyes?" --Shylock in Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice.

Yes, and then some.  Traditional Jewish law dictates that one take "an eye for an eye."

Evil Mixing with Good

A surreally funny line from the British comedy series Attention Scum:

"My dog has no legs but he still chews bones.  How does a dog with no legs chew bones?  With a great deal of suspicion, I noticed."

Grabbing Credit For Any Successful Attempts

Robots on Fire
(anagrams: "son of orbiter," "strobe of iron," "reborn if soot," "borne of riots," "orbit for eons," "sin for reboot," "best iron roof")

A robot using himself as a cigarette lighter.

Why not light a robot candle with robot safety matches?

Moral of this story: when testing the shaving cream, take all the expensive electronics off the robot first.  (With pictures!)

The fire-breathing, airplane-tossing Robosaurus.

Christian Bale as a fiery, melting cyborg.

A two-headed fire-breathing robot bird.

Christian Ristow's robots destroy each other with fire on a regular basis.

A Subgenius robot on fire.

A flaming robot device that is lit at night.

Fire-spraying cyborgs.

Retro comic book fire-breathing robot.

Robot inferno.

Flaming humanoid robot art.

The robotic fire art of Heather Gallagher.

Sandman is an 850-lb fire shooting performance robot.

Good Samaritan Scenario

“Thousand-eyed, like snow or God — the hawk of airborne hordes advancing toward the perpetual countries of a single letter alphabet” —Arkadii Dragomoshchenko, “Possible Indications,” translated by Genya Turovsky

"What am I, nuts?"  It depends.  Describe your shell.

“What other language has so many possibilities for one letter words?” —Ed vd Meulen, “American English 1”

Good Cop/Bad Cop

--an excerpt from "Chance Abbreviation" by Ken Clinger.  Based in Pennsylvania, Ken is a prolific, visionary recording artist known as one of the "godfathers" of the underground home taping genre.

What do you call lamb pellets?

Fleeces (pronounced fleece-eez).