It's been said that "Big Pharma is and has always been the best dog-and-pony show in town" (Dr. Stephen Arlington, "Introductory Comments to the Global Clinical Trials Conference," 2003). But that is patently false. It was originally a frog-and-Toddler-Time show. Our evidence is this trade card from Henry Dalley's "Magical Pain Extractor" ointment, ca. 1850.