Prof. Oddfellow shares his secrets to longevity:
Delay your mid-life crisis. As per Zeno, if you never reach your mid-point, you'll never reach your end.
Abhor setting your clocks to atomic time.
Learn to take long-exposure photographs at night. Long exposures open a hole in the fabric of Time. The click of the camera extends from a moment into minutes. Try it and you'll instantly feel how you stop aging. (If not, ask a doctor to accompany you on your night walk to monitor your eleven medical symptoms and signs of aging as you take long-exposure photographs.)
To mark off days on a calendar is to ensure that your days are numbered. Never ever cross off a day, no matter how loathsome.
Eschew wearing a wristwatch; a wristwatch leaves a mark — the mark of Time.
Investigate adjusting your circadian rhythm to a 25-hour day. Make every day count that little bit extra. Indeed, have "two Saturday nights in a Friday night, if you know what I mean" (as John Michael Higgins says in Best in Show).
Spend more time at the beach. It's a fallacy that the ocean makes one feel insignificant; on the contrary, one small step over tiny shells (each a life story) and ancient grains of sand (each an entire world, as per the immortal William Blake) is one giant leap for mankind.