Q: What do you do all day?

A: I melt popsicles all day.  What of it? 

From What Do You Do All Day? by Amy Scheibe.

Q: "What color of eyeshadow does one wear to discuss rare daguerrotypes with a famous rock star?" (Santa Clara's 1979 yearbook)

A: In honor of the tradition of hand-painting old black-and-white photos with watercolors, use a combination of pastel eyeshadows and blend them with a fluffy brush to achieve a watercolor look.

The answer to this rhetorical question is, of course, "no."  From The Garden of Paradise by Edward Sheldon, 1915

Reblog if the Roman numeral at the top of the poem doubles as the answer to the rhetorical question.  From the Elson Primary School Reader, Book One, 1913.

Yes, the gates of hell have been opened.  From The Devil's Bride by Milton H. Stine, 1910.

"Wouldn't you like a rhetorical question with that?"

"Wouldn't I!"

—Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

Why is it Thanksgiving has to be overshadowed by Christmas?  Because no one sets up a corn stalk in their living room and piles tons of Thanksgiving presents around it.  From Fitchburg's The Cycle newspaper, 1970.

Q: "Paris is beautiful, is it not?"  —Kings in Exile by Alphonse Daudet, 1889.

A: Not.  (Sorry, Paris.  You have great P.R., though!  It's just that there's a name for how visitors get violently ill when they visit you, "Paris Syndrome," triggered by the extreme shock over how awful you are.)

A: It's been said that an ideal portrait depicts its subject as solitary and somewhat mysterious.  "The ideal portrait should, of course, be at once a presentment of a human being grasped with perspicacity and commemorated with easy mastery, and a picture whose forms, balance, colour, and lighting form a whole that gives pleasure and satisfaction, whether the original be known or not" (E. H., 1901).  We see this portrait as a painted premonition.  The expression perfectly captures the experience of a "funny feeling."  There are zero Google results for how much an aura weighs, but we detect a slight stoop to the figure in the portrait.  It's been said that "psychic weight" is something imponderable and that it comes from opening the body to grief, turning one's face to one's own life, absorbing the failures one's parents and homeland have suffered, and handling what alchemy calls "lead."  With this portrait, you've transmuted the lead to gold.

From The Shoe Workers' Journal, 1908.  The text reads, "The old question—'will wonders never cease?'—is becoming understood as a definite declaration that wonders never will cease.

How many ghosts are too many?  Here's a smattering of answers.

Q: "Ghosts that glide along the shadows—canst thou conjure spirits here?  Unfamiliar forms and faces—hast thou stolen these from time?"  ("Reverie" by Rennell Rodd, in Time, A Monthly Miscellany of Interesting and Amusing Literature, 1884.)

A: Yes.

From The Judge, 1916.

Our answer to this question is "Yes," because our income has actually gone down over the last ten years, so keeping the same salary for a decade would be preferable.  From Popular Mechanics, 1927.

Q: What is anything worth—a house, a suit of furniture, an automobile?

A: It is worth what it is worth.

From The Dental Quarterly, 1915.

From Popular Mechanics, 1924.

Our answer to these rhetorical questions: "Hit the snooze button."

Q: "What's back of the man who wins?"

A: See image from Popular Mechanics, 1926.