Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

WALDEN by Henry David Thoreau

When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them, I lived alone, in the woods, a mile from any neighbor, in a house which I had built myself, on the shore of Walden Pond, in Concord, Massachusetts, and earned my living by the labor of my hands only. I lived there two years and two months. At present I am a sojourner in civilized life again. Suddenly, a shot rings out.

Which word is funnier: car or Buick?

Clue:  This is according to the book Drawing on the Funny Side of the Brain

Answer:  Buick, as it is “funny sounding and more specific.”  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  Christopher Hart, Drawing on the Funny Side of the Brain (1998), p. 107

A vegetarian invited to dinner at a Biergarten: "I'm prepared for the wurst."

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

BUDDHA by Karen Armstrong

One night toward the end of the sixth century B.C.E., a young man called Siddhatta Gotama walked out of his comfortable home in Kapilavatthu in the foothills of the Himalayas and took to the road.  Suddenly, a shot rang out.

[Thanks to June for suggesting this send-up of the old saying, "If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him."]

 

"Remove yourself from the word. Depend on the letter, depend on the phoneme. It is the particles that matter. Particulate." —Geof Huth

From Prof. Oddfellow's sketchbook:

"Science is a turtle that says that its own shell encloses all things." —Charles Fort, The Book of the Damned

LAST QUARTER (PROGRESSIVE)

"The period of moonlight falls in the first part of the night."

—Alfred Reginald Radcliffe-Brown, The Andaman Islanders (1948)

 

Which word is funnier: fat or bloated?

Clue:  This is according to the book Drawing on the Funny Side of the Brain

Answer:  Bloated, as it is “slightly gross.”  (The answer is in black text on the black background.  Highlight it to view.)

Citation:  Christopher Hart, Drawing on the Funny Side of the Brain (1998), p. 107

Is it true, as Momus suggests, that there are "few tales which would not be improved by the addition of the phrase 'suddenly, a shot rang out'"?  Decide for yourself as we alter the opening lines of . . .

WUTHERING HEIGHTS by Emily Brontë

I have just returned from a visit to my landlord—the solitary neighbour that I shall be troubled with.  This is certainly a beautiful country!  In all England, I do not believe that I could have fixed on a situation so completely removed from the stir of society.  A perfect misanthropist’s heaven: and Mr. Heathcliff and I are such a suitable pair to divide the desolation between us.  A capital fellow!  He little imagined how my heart warmed towards him when I beheld his black eyes withdraw so suspiciously under their brows, as I rode up, and when his fingers sheltered themselves, with a jealous resolution, still further in his waistcoat, as I announced my name. Suddenly, a shot rang out.

Linear time reversed itself as the Belgian new wave band Neon Judgement remastered their first two cassettes and released them on vinyl LPs.  Why they skipped 8-tracks along the way to vinyl, we'll never know, but we're eagerly awaiting a cylinder phonograph release, presumably available in time for holiday shopping.

Prof. Oddfellow experiences a brainstorm below Portmeirion's folly lighthouse as the sun sets behind Moel y Gest mountain.

"To penetrate as far as possible into the great white area on Dawson's map, south of the Kananaskis Lakes, marked with the magic word 'Unexplored,' that most fascinating and suggestive of all names to any lover of the wilderness."
—Canadian Alpine Journal