From UFO Newsclipping Service, 1989.

If you already suspected this, you were right: "Weirdness is not conserved, in fact there is an infinite amount of weirdness in the universe. Without careful attention, most electronic circuits will amplify, or even create weirdness."  From Toike Oike, Dec. 1990.

"And when a wind-up monkey's on my arm, it's like I've got rockets in my ass."  From The Sewanee Purple newspaper, 1982.

The first building to be erected on a foundation of sandwiches!  From the Muhlenberg Weekly, 1938.

We always enjoy stumbling upon news of haunted forests suddenly appearing.  We can confirm that haunted forests can, according to our metabolism of time, seem to blink in and out of existence.  From La Vie (Lebanon Valley), 1997.

The dead are encouraged to plan for the future.  From McGill Daily, 1978.

The news used to be more interesting.  "Carol screamed as she saw her bed rising above her."  From The Strobe newspaper, 1982.

You knew that the press was moribund, but here's a 1978 newspaper that committed suicide and then reported on its own death. It's The [Late] Clarion Call, 1978.

We applaud the cliffhanger at the bottom of the first column.  Yet both headlines are, typical of the press, inaccurate.  There's no near-riot, and the weird mystery is not actually solved (see next to last paragraph).  Best detail: the location is spooky sounding: "Gimghoul Road."  From Daily Tar Heel, 1939.

Instead of a "Page 3" topless glamour model like in the British tabloids, this page three features a psychedelic visualization of a mathematical equation, created in HyperCard.  News we can believe in!  From The Connector newspaper (University of Lowell), Feb. 14, 1991.  We made a giant version of the graphic for you to zoom in upon and get lost in.

"There is no danger that we shall be drowned in books."  From Pearson's, 1902.

"Is the earth still inhabited?  While scientists are wrangling over the question as to whether Mars or Venus is signaling us, it would be well to start an inquiry into whether the earth is inhabited."  From Life, 1920.  We say the same thing about scientists touting artificial intelligence: is there any intelligence on earth to begin with?

A headline for another story is more interesting with the iillustration that appears directly above it.  From Popular Mechanics, 1933.