CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, a “monk for the modern age” by George Parker, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.
We encountered and determined the cause of a temporal anomaly in Chestnut Hill, Pennsylvania. The clock tower of the Chestnut Hill Baptist church (whose motto, ironically, is "a historic church with a timely message") displays faces with three incorrect times. As constant investigators of such phenomena, we diagnosed the source of the problem at a glance. An oculus window replaces the clock face on the fourth side of the tower and is the cause of the trouble. The architect presumably sought to save a quarter of the cost of clockwork, and while three-quarter time may keep waltzes spinning, such an imbalance in a clock tower is its own death knell. Though the cause is simple enough, great mysteries yet abound, for precisely why does a window into the nature of time trigger a standstill?
As we exclusively revealed here, the glowing trees in old yearbooks constitute a worldwide forest that has to this day eluded the study of arboriculturists. From North Carolina Wesleyan's 1998 yearbook.